‘Don’t Control Me’

In a recently released Netflix series Adolescence, Jamie’s father asks him point-blank whether he has committed the crime he is accused of, and he replies without flinching, ‘Dad, I have not done anything.’ This moment gives a sneak peek into the brain of a young boy constantly exposed to the false ideas of toxic masculinity, women objectification, and the newly sprung idea of ‘incels.’ To our utter horror, Jamie could not grasp the monstrosity of taking a life—perhaps because he didn’t even see her as fully human.

Adolescence has sparked a vigorous debate in the West because even after tens of decades, these developed nations have not been able to educate and sensitize their male population towards women. In fact, the popularity of characters like Andrew Tate and concepts like involuntary celibate (incel) and manosphere have reverse geared the discourse as the young boys are at the forefront of it all. In 1997, a young woman from Canada started what she called Alana’s Involuntary Celibate Project, where she aimed to form a community of people who struggled to form loving relationships. It began as a friendly place where such people helped each other out but later turned into a women-hating jukebox that churns out abhorrent ideas and gender-based violence.

Incel’s core beliefs revolve around self-pity, misogyny, entitlement, and fatalism. They believe that they owe sex and affection because they are nice guys, but girls only date the most attractive and wealthy men. As a result, they visualize women as manipulative and shallow creatures who follow the 80/20 rule that states that 80 percent of women are interested in only 20 percent of men. The central figure of incel’s ideology, Elliot Rodger, who is considered a martyr, killed six people in Isla Vista, California attack in 2014 and then committed suicide. The victims included a girl that Rodgers found most attractive. Before his murderous rampage, he distributed a manifesto where he described himself as an ideal magnificent gentleman and how he is a victim of this society where he has been denied love and sex.

At least eight major attacks have been directly linked to incel’s ideology worldwide, primarily concentrated in North America and the UK. However, such ideology is just the tip of the iceberg as it is only a part of what they call the ‘Manosphere.’ Other groups, such as the Red Pill Group (TRP), are another prominent community of 200k members on Reddit where men talk about how women oppress them and control the discourse of the world. The term ‘Red Pill’ is a metaphor from the film ‘The Matrix,’ in which Neo understands the actual reality of nature after taking it, or what incels call getting ‘red-pilled.’ The manosphere itself is a reaction to the feminist movement, which demands the restoration of traditional gender roles and reduced women’s participation and voice in worldly affairs so that men have a better sense of control.

The whole idea of the Manosphere reeks of extreme insecurity, where men feel they are not good enough to find affection and love without society stacking the cards in their favour and helping to control women. As Jamie in Adolescence says, ‘You cannot get them by conventional ways.’ During another interaction between Jamie and her therapist in Adolescence, he shouts, ‘You do not control me.’ Therefore, if men cannot control women and their choices, the only way to exert control is by violence because being vulnerable, nice, and considerate would not align with the misplaced attributes of male bravado.