Doctor or Engineer?

By Jerrica Fatima Ann | September 2020

To borrow novelist Charles Dickens’s famous turn of phrase, these are both the best and worst of times to debate parental input in their children’s careers. Either way, the urgency for such debate is considerable, for the “game” as we knew it has irreversibly changed.

When the global panic wrought by the COVID-19 pandemic finally settles, we face years if not decades of economic misery. Such a grim forecast will in the short-term trigger a spectrum of reactions, and only a few of them appealing.

Australia, for example, in a move unprecedented among developed nations, recently doubled the tuition fees for arts and humanities degrees, while subsidizing those for STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) courses. The government explained this policy would produce “job-ready graduates” in an uncertain labour market.

This is a problematic assessment as many industries once thought to be immune to “future shocks” are now shedding workers by the shipload. It is also insane to imagine individuals with an innate aptitude for, say, literature, prospering as doctors or engineers.

Focusing on boots to fill in an askew demand-supply equation is admirable, but ultimately pointless if the quality of new hires is all over the map.

From a young age, parents force-feed their children the orthodox definition of a successful life.

If Asian states follow Australia’s example, then we should expect an intensification of parental instruction in the career choices of children. While the stated purpose of such policies is to produce employable adults, I fear they will ultimately harm both individuals and society at large.

Asian societies already oppress free-spirited children. From a young age, parents force-feed them the orthodox definition of a successful life, i.e. enrolling in an elite school, graduating near the top of their class, and landing a high-paying job. In our neck of the woods, passion only has value when it promises profit.

Asian parents routinely shepherd their children through life’s major decisions with a martial zeal. It is their deep-rooted belief that children are too naïve to choose wisely, but this belief is facetious.

While raising children in today’s hyper-competitive, globalized world may feel like navigating Mars without a road map, the perfect parenting style that guarantees their happiness is a myth. Nor are there foolproof strategies which assure them smooth sailing in life.

It is essential that we acknowledge children as the primary stakeholders in this debate. While adult supervision is necessary, micromanaging their lives is a recipe for disaster. Sans the capacity for independent decision-making, they will reach adulthood with scant concept of their talents and limitations, while also lacking the problem-solving skills imperative to personal growth.

Whether we shoehorn a child in the arts or science stream, all careers have their peculiar hurdles and hardships. Without the basic mental tools to deal with the challenges and correct course, children will struggle to fulfill their potential.

Also, if we don’t raise independent children, we will forever confine them to their comfort zones. Without a parental safety net, their ingrained fear of failure will deter them from exploring their gifts and expanding their self-concepts.

This fear will inflate the numbers of “adultescents” in Asia: college-educated adults who lack the agency to innovate and stay abreast of a fluid job market. Likewise, diminished personal fulfillment may manifest as self-destructive behaviour in the form of drugs and alcohol.

Case studies confirm that children when denied their choice of vocation can undergo acute mental stress. In June 2019, the CNA news channel documented the case of an 11-year-old Singaporean, Wen Zi Xu, who acted as uncommonly aggressive at home.

His grade-obsessed parents disapproved of his passion for computer coding and 3D modeling and made him attend after-school classes to break the habit. Still, Xu is lucky because his calling aligns with a trending profession. Imagine if his interests lay elsewhere, for instance, in the performing arts. Why, his family may well disinherit him.

Besides treating children as clueless, Asian parents have the unfortunate compulsion of installing them as vessels of family honour. By this logic, children of conventionally successful parents, i.e. surgeons, CEOs, lawyers, etc. must follow their footsteps or risk shaming the family. Such a perverse seedbed cannot harvest productive members of society, only uncreative drones.

I certainly don’t recommend a hands-off approach to children’s careers, only that the value of parental involvement equals the depth of their relationships. Parents must meet children halfway in any decisions about their future, and must open themselves to dialog so no desires or concerns stay unaddressed.

The key here is to discuss their future as partners and not rivals, because children when adults must not blame their parents for their inability to self-actualize.

Asian parents thus will do well to remember the wise words of writer Khalil Gibran: “Your children are not your children, they are sons and daughters of light longing for itself, they come through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

Sukkur

Doctor or Engineer?

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