British Legacy of Plundering

Pakistani prime minister Imran Khan’s virtual address to the World Leaders Summit Dialogue at the 15th UNCTAD (United Nations Conference on Trade and Development) quadrennial meeting, Oct. 4-7, calling for the return of stolen wealth to developing countries as part of the global economic recovery from the pandemic and climate change’s devastating effects, has flustered more than a few.

In a flash, Britain has corralled major money players, Ueli Maurer, head of the Swiss federal department of finance, South Dakota State treasurer, Josh Haeder, Delaware State treasurer Colleen C. Davis, and British Virgin Islands finance minister Andrew A. Fahie. British Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak is moderating the virtual meeting.

Maurer, skipping formalities, starts, “Friends, isn’t this Imran Khan, everyone was or still calling Taliban Khan? So, the Taliban victory his next door, has emboldened him to question us.

“You know being European, err, Western, we abide by laws… [with a chuckle, adds] laws that assure, whom people like this Khan, calls lawbreakers, a stable environment that values secrecy and confidentiality. We don’t ask questions; we honor contracts of deposits.”

Fahie, adds with a broad smile, “Ueli, you guys have won the more discerning kleptocrats and assorted lawbreakers’ confidence. And you’ve being doing this since the 1920s — bank accounts veiled in absolute secrecy. What discipline! Indeed admirable!”

Haedar, “Did you guys follow this Khan’s speech? Here he says that his deep concern is over the flow $1 trillion annually from developing countries to our capitals and tax havens. To top it all, he wants to the halt these outflows from the underdeveloped countries.”

Sunak declares, “I would say that we involve the UNSC [UN Security Council] and we, the United States, and France can do a triple veto if these underdeveloped countries attempt to move against us…”

Davis points out, “I see it as a problem of isolation. Khan wants to pull us down to his country’s, and other underdeveloped countries’ level so they have more company in misery…”

Sunak continues, “Colleen, you are spot on. Here we are preparing for the platinum jubilee of the Queen’s rule, and there this Khan wants us to empty our banks. It is banks that keep us afloat. Just consider our financial district, The City. The HSBC paid its star staff $900m in the first half of this year. Last year, it paid 324 of its bankers more than £854,000. Consider the trickle-down effect! Its pre-tax profits swelled to $5 billion in the three months to June 30, up from $1 billion a year earlier, when it put aside billions to cover potential loan defaults linked to the pandemic. Mind you that this one bank and we have a herd!

“Like you all, we live on lending money and money that can be lent comes from the world over…”

Fahie quickly adds, “Sunak… Ueli, you guys need to be with us all the way because money that gets rinsed through Swiss bank accounts comes from our offshore banks.”

Ueli offers, “No doubt, Andrew, we value Britain’s contribution to keep BVI banks clicking… those accounts are our lifeblood.”

Sunak, looking pleasantly at his father-in-law, billionaire Narayan Murthy’s — one of the richest men in the world — portrait on his desk, adds, “Did you folks see that how this Khan is trying to garner sympathy. He emphasized that the richer countries finance climate challenges; and return, what he calls, stolen wealth to developing countries as part of global economic recovery from the pandemic’s devastating effects. So, we aren’t in business to help others, we are the inheritors of the great colonists’ tradition of plundering in the name of our sovereign.

“Nah, we didn’t steal anything. We just created laws to make us the magnets of money… [guffawing, he declares] oh, guys, this guy, Khan is a class unto himself. He is asking for the implementation of UN Secretary General’s FACTI Panel’s recommendations, which he says will enable the developing countries to alleviate poverty and ensure human development more meaningfully… [loudly guffawing again, he continues] … what! Really! If their poverty is removed then who will borrow from us, money which was originally smuggled out of their countries?

“And folks, just for a laugh. This FACTI stands for ‘Financial Accountability, Transparency and Integrity’… if we put any of this into practice, we will be lining up holding our dinner pails in front of some soup kitchen.

[Sunak and the meeting participants do a virtual toast, as he concludes] “We resolve to live by this 16th century proverb, “Every man for himself and the Devil take the hindmost.”