The Right Balance

Critics of parent-child friendship wrongly deduce that such a relationship implies “no rules and all play.” When practiced with clear boundaries, it produces a household where both parties are mindful of their responsibilities. So, even when the family steps out for, say, ice-cream in the evening, this does not excuse children from completing their homework.

I believe parents should absolutely befriend their children because this bond will enrich their family lives. But it’s also important to strike a healthy balance between discussion and dictation.

Arriving at the right mix of authority and camaraderie, of ordering and listening, is difficult and will demand tweaks over time, but I’m certain parents will find their efforts rewarding.

The immense value of this friendship lies in expanding our definition of parenting beyond the oft-quoted. Past standard-issue guidance and advice, parents must realize their children need someone to confide to when they feel claustrophobic of the world around them.

Even if they don’t befriend their offspring and instead embrace the even-keeled authoritative style, which some experts recommend, they must be accessible and always willing to lend a sympathetic ear.

We know parenting is a tough gig at the best of times and only gets tougher as children navigate through adolescence. They face emotional peaks and valleys that we must manage tactfully if they’re not to scar for life. Hence nurturing an open and communicative relationship is vital.

Children at any age can slump into depression if they cannot confide in someone they love and respect. While friends may occasionally fulfill this role, nothing substitutes for parental involvement.

That said, patronizing them in such confessionals can backfire spectacularly. Avoid the “I told you so” tone and, if possible, just listen and empathize, as most of the time children can solve their own problems. We should acknowledge that no matter what their age, children pine for compassionate parents.

Dictatorial parenting may also stymie independent problem-solving and emotional intelligence in children when they’re used to being spoon-fed solutions. But if we foster in them piecemeal the ability to think critically, they will develop into productive adults.

When a dicey problem presents itself, and it always does, don’t jump into micromanager mode and instead patiently answer their questions while nudging them along the right track. Equally important is to keep these exchanges conversational and not adversarial, for the latter may sow in them rebellion and provoke misbehaviour, so what they gain is a false sense of autonomy.

Those opposed to this parenting strategy argue children raised in such households are mutinous and undisciplined as, as adults, struggle to fit into workplaces and society at large. They also contend parents are reluctant to dive deep into their children’s worlds as they toil through their own burdens and obligations.

While the above criticisms may be partially valid, often these outcomes result from an irresponsive parent-child relationship. Parents instinctively adopt the carrot-and-stick approach with children without attempting to uncover the roots of their problematic behaviour. They set rules in stone without explanation and without allowing for their input. This status quo, above all else, leads to delinquency.

To summarize, parenting is an exercise in fluidity and evolution. It is impossible to always be your child’s best friend or a strict taskmaster. The key is to reach a situation-specific balance, and if parents do this they will discover that its benefits to familial harmony are boundless.