'Mard Maar Khatoon'

It is no news that people tend to think and behave in a certain way based on their gender. If you think you are an alpha female living in a country like ours, chances are you have been subject to shaming and consequences for being this kind of woman. Having a God-given talent as a leader, alpha females are always high in confidence, they are ambitious to the core and their overall zeal and enthusiasm is motivating and inspiring to others in all respects. This is diametrically opposite to the erroneous traits which are commonly associated with femininity such as passivity, gentleness, warmth, submissiveness, impressionability, tenderness, and emotionality. Truth be told, the acceptance of alpha women is at a low ebb everywhere, let alone Pakistani society.

However, the key difference between the rest of the world and Pakistan is that in Pakistan we use religion to justify our definitions, vindicate our perceptions and create a conducive environment to conform to our beliefs. For a girl born elsewhere in the world, it would be quite easy for her to have such attributes which are not truly feminine. In Pakistan, in marked contrast, the boundaries are much more difficult to cross because a woman's defiance against the stereotypical definition of womanhood and femininity would be speciously perceived as an open act of rebellion towards the well-established socio-cultural norms as well as the state's religion which is Islam.

As things currently stand here, girls are not encouraged to lead student societies or participate in such 'masculine' sports as kickboxing. In a similar vein, girls are not supposed to join the armed forces or be part of mainstream politics since such fields are meant only for men, while people think that the religion also asks a woman to be a "good mother" and an "obedient wife" only.

From day one, girls are taught to act within the limits as predefined by the religion. Therefore, they need to sit at home and be passive, which is akin to being indentured and less effective. Despite societal pressure, those women who still manage to get into leadership positions and assume influential roles, or are simply more vocal and confident individuals among their peers, are often shamed. Hence, the term "Alpha Woman" has become a derogatory epithet for women with a voice. As a consequence of being considered less feminine and more masculine, they are deemed unsuitable for marriage. If you want to teasingly embarrass an opinionated woman, you just need to call her a "Mard Maar Khatoon".

Nonetheless, I want all Pakistanis to know that Islam does not ask a woman to be less ambitious or quit any traits that are normally associated with masculine behaviour. The author is simply being rational here, neither pro-feminism nor anti-Islam. Do you think a woman can operate an enormous business without being an excellent leader, assertive, and confident in her abilities? Muslim women as well as men need to know that the history of Islam is replete with instances when woman (e.g. Hazrat Khadija (R.A.) and Hazrat Aisha (R.A.)) have proved their business acumen and exceptional leadership traits. Thankfully, the list does not end here as there many other examples in the Islamic history when Muslim women took charge in areas largely dominated by men.

The question arises: if Islam does not shame women for being who they are, then what scares our people so much? Maybe we are afraid that women will end up asking for their rights if they are given the "liberty" and the "space" to make decisions and lead their lives on their own.

Heaven knows if we can ever get rid of the irrationality ingrained in our mindset and stop misusing the religion to prove out point, but I do know that Islam does not suppress my individuality only because I am a woman. Therefore, I do not care if the term "alpha female" is used to consider me unworthy of a "settled" life. I am proud of all the potential Allah has gifted me with. Lets' hope we can use it to break stereotypes just like those women who are cherished as our religious role models.