Abhinandan, the Symbol of Indian Airpower!

Upon returning from the investiture ceremony at the Rashtrapati Bhavan (president house) where President Ram Nath Kovind pinned the Vir Chakra — the country’s third-highest wartime gallantry award on the chest of Indian Air Force pilot Abhinandan Varthaman, Indian prime minister Narendra Modi had brought along defense minister Rajnath Singh to his office.

Immediately, air force chief, Air Chief Marshal Vivek Ram Chaudhari was ushered in.

As soon as the server had backstepped after placing the servings of gao mutra, Modi started the meeting.

For the uninitiated, then Wing Commander, now Group Caption (brigadier), Varthaman was captured in 2019 after Pakistan Air Force downed his MiG 21 Bison aircraft. India, however claimed that he had shot down a Pakistan F-16. Of course, the award citation read ‘showing conspicuous courage’ while shooting down a Pakistani F-16 aircraft in February 2019.

Modi, reminding that the United States had anointed India as its bulwark against China, further impressed upon them the country’s unassailable status.

“Rajnath and Vivek, you all know how in the COP26 in Glasgow, India stood tall. I am proud and India is proud how [environment minister] Bhupender Yadav blocked efforts to include references to phasing out coal and fossil fuel subsidies in a deal proposed at this year’s U.N. climate summit. He told them the fault lies with their unsustainable lifestyles and wasteful consumption patterns, and it is the rich countries that are causing global warming.

“Thanks to the blessings of Lord Hanuman… may his blessings upon us be longer. Just like it's good to be a White murderer in America, it is good be an Indian in America.

“You know, how food is a fad in rich countries. So, I deflected their attention from issues by prescribing them our panchamrita diet, through which India will achieve net zero by 2070.

“Now that we have an assigned task Vivek, I need you to expand our air power. Even if Trump is not there, but like his boss, Obama, Biden too is feeding from my hand. Since we got the Russian weapons, Biden has been feeling downcast as the he fears losing campaign contributions from their arms industry. So, you name it, he will give F35s at fire sale prices.

“Vivek, I can get you any jet from anywhere, but you have to recruit more pilots. Now, you have our Vir Chakra Abihinandan. Utilize him! First, get Bollywood to make a biopic of his feat of February 2019, how he confronted the Pakistani F-16, and how he outsmarted the enemy.

“Once the film is on every Indian screen, you get him to speak at every college and university across our land. And Vivek, make sure as he walks toward the lectern, a sound barrier breaking jet should do a flyover. You need to brief him properly that how the Pakistanis were overwhelmed by his bravery and acknowledged his superior skills by serving him their topmost tea.

“Ah, Vivek, about the biopic… of course, it will be top-class Bollywood production. If they need, I can ask Biden to send a few F-16s for the film production so the people of India and the world could see what sort of might Abhi faced and how he overpowered it.

“Of course, our Bollywood producers will highlight how I commanded the epic engagement from my bunker despite that I had already inspired our fliers to greatness…”

The air chief quickly gets his word in, “O your Beloved Pradhan Mantri, wee will specifically highlight how scientists inspired by your gao mutra regime have drawn an additive from it for out jet fuel, which instantly gives a MIG 29 power to our MIG 21.

“Vivek, get him properly briefed so he inspires our young men to join your force. We will ask our film producers to show how I emit an invigorating force that is leading us to success …”

Finally, Rajnath Singh too finds opportunity to slip in a word, “O Our Beloved Pradhan Mantri, I will contract retired Air Marshal PR Sharma who was commandant of our Air Academy as consultant for Abhi’s biopic.”

“Rajnath, that’s a good idea. Now before I forget and conclude, the biopic should show how after landing his fighter jet in Pakistan, Abhi calmly had tea there and walked away, leaving the Pakistanis shivering with fear. Right now, we are the world’s fourth largest air force with over 150,000 personnel… our poster boy, Abhinandan is the symbol of our airpower.”