America’s Best Frontline Against China

Indian prime minister Narendra Modi, upon his return from Rome, where he attended the G20 Summit, and Glasgow, where he attended the World Leaders Summit of the 26th Conference of Parties (COP-26) to the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC), has called an urgent meeting.

Present were defense minister Rajnath Singh, Chief of the Army Staff General Manoj Mukund Naravane, Chief of the Air Staff Air Chief Marshal Vivek Ram Chaudhari, Chief of the Naval Staff Admiral Karambir Singh, R&AW (RAW) secretary Samant Kumar Goel, Uttar Pradesh chief minister Yogi Adityanath, and Sarsanghchalak (the head) of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) Mohan Baghwat.

The table is already set, each place setting has a crystal carafe of gao mutra, standing beside a crystal goblet.

The prime minister invites Yogi Adityanath, who is also is an Hindu monk, to chant a prayer for the meeting to begin.

In keeping with the order of the day, Modi starts with his arrival in Rome, “You all know that I am a master of diplomacy. Naturally my first call was with Pope Francis at the Vatican… It was important to have this photo op to send a message to President Biden, who you know is a devout Catholic.

“I wanted a photo of myself hugging him, but the Pope was quick, he did three embraces like Muslims do on Eids… it seems that Jaideep [Mazumdar, Indian ambassador to the Holy See] didn’t brief the Vatican properly.

“Similarly, when I met with Biden, instead of letting me hug him, he only offered a half embrace. Probably he is almost 80 and careful of his ribcage. I want to keep him assured that India is America’s strong frontline against China. I assured him that I am ramping up my border defenses against China.

“But you know Pakistan has spoiled Americans… only Imran Khan is resisting now… but you know anytime America said, do more, be it Asif Zardari, or Nawaz Sharif or Gen. Musharraf… Pakistanis would be going in a daze.

“So, every time, he passed me in Rome and in Glasgow, Biden would raise his fist and say do more. In fact, when he was giving that half embrace, he whispered… I would say it was a near shout… in my ear that China is establishing permanent settlements near the border. And, every time, he would keep repeating watcha doin’… then he started impressing me with details like he has given cruise missiles, howitzers, Chinook transport choppers, and even made Israel give us their locally made drones.

“So, folks, I had no recourse, but to tell him that in a week’s time, he should ask his NASA to show him satellite photos of our deployment there. This is the reason that I have called you all today.

“General… Manoj, you tell me that we have 1.4 million active-duty soldiers and 1.2 million reserves. Yes… yes, we must keep the bulk at the Pakistan border… so you can even move the one million you deploy in Kashmir… now, listen carefully. This is the reason that I have invited our sublime leader, Mohan Baghwat. He is going to get our valiant RSS forces to take up duty in Kashmir, so you all can face China…”
Modi signals softly, and Baghwat relates, “We have 58,000 shakas (units), each having at least 100 members. Additionally, we have five million swayamsevak (volunteers), who train with us but not in all our exercises.

Besides these, we have parivar (associate) such Seva Bharati, Vishva Hindu Parishad, Vanavasi Kalyan Ashrama. I would say that we have about 20 million members in RSS and its parivar organizations.”

Modi, pointing toward Gen. Naravane, “Here you go… you redeploy your one million from the Kashmir theater and two million RSS troops will take your place… and you know they love to butcher Muslims… and their Gau Rakshak Dal (GRD; cow protection brigade) is a beauty at killing Muslims and thriving and adding new groups. So, General you can deploy your troops at the Chinese border, and our RSS personnel will keep Kashmir burning.
“Oh… General, you have this $64 billion budget… I can add to it… you know that Americans love those who buy their weapons.

“Now, [Air Chief Marshal] Vivek, I know you cannot get RSS help like [General] Manoj… they still lack airpower… so which bases, you can move near the Chinese border?

“If our Rafale fighter jets could fly more than 4000 miles non-stop from France, don’t you think, they can enter China from anywhere? Or, do you think, I should ask Biden to supply us a few squadrons of F35? Think about it and let me know.

“Admiral Karambir, indeed that area is very cold and frozen during winters, but doesn’t snow melt ever? So, do you think, we could deploy a naval flotilla too there? You too think and let me know, especially if we can buy any American vessels like the nuclear submarines they are selling to Australia.”

Modi signals and all raise their gau mutra goblets, as Yogi Adityanath intones the prayer, “Lord Hanuman, we swear by the full length of your tail, that we will be America’s best frontline against China.”