Greatest of All Trumps!

President Donald Trump has gathered his children around the dinner table to discuss, what he calls, the despicable interview given to Der Spiegel [Sept. 10, 2021], the German magazine, by Mary Trump, 56, his only niece.

Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner, Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend, former Fox News personality Kimberly Guilfoyle, Eric and Lara [a former television producer] Trump, Tiffany Trump and current boyfriend billionaire Michael Boulos, and Barron Trump. Wife Ivanka watching out for son Barron.

“The great Republican, Meghan, daughter of that loser [late senator John McCain], who used to be on View, after meeting her [Mary] had tweeted: ‘There is no “good” Trump family member to me.’

“You know what she told this German thing… and you know that my grandpa came from Germany and launched his hospitality business [actually a sort of brothel] in California… Germans who know the Trump name will be so angry at her… she says it is heartbreaking that 75 million Americans voted me… and you tell that Sleepy Joe [Biden] is President of the United States of America…”

Guilfoyle, reenacting her Fox News best belts out, “Thieves Dad… thieves… thieves…”

“I really don’t what she did at school… probably the ugly one spent all her time trying to find a boyfriend… now she's trying to look intellectual sitting in her Manhattan apartment with her library in open sight filled with ceiling-high shelves of carefully curated coffee table books.

“She called me a fascist… I even checked Google and Wikipedia… and fascists are Italians… and… we are German… come on, Mary, at least look up Google before you open your mouth…

“Even this Rocket Man… [North Korea Supreme Leader of North Korea] Kim Jong-un… Wrong one… whatever… didn’t go illiterate… he called me a dotard… whatever it means in their language… may be some sort of veggie goo… yes, I remember, once [Secretary of State] Mike [Pompeo] telling me having being served Dotorimuk, a jello thing with chopped leeks and soy sauce topping as a side dish in one of the Koreas…
everything’s named for him, Kim this and that... maybe it is some kimchi… copying me of course, like my Trump everywhere...

“When I dined with him, he kept pushing it on my plate and I kept putting it right back on his …”

Eric offers, “Dad, despite all her venom, she admitted that you don't believe that you know that you lost. You know belief is important… I asked Pastor Paula [Michelle White-Cain, evangelical advisory board chair in the Trump administration] ... and that’s what she told me.”

“Yes, Eric, we should appreciate the good things she told this German about me that losing is not acceptable to me. She even said ‘My uncle is such a buffoon… what is that? Sounds like tycoon… but he does have charisma’. She also admitted to the German thing, that I am such an impactful person that despite being a psychologist, she, due to the force of my 2018 victory, went into inpatient treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder. That is some compliment.”

Tiffany chimes in, “Dad, Mary even admitted that due to your impact it is for the fact that it's becoming more and more acceptable to be openly racist in America… Dad, you put us, white people out of the closet… its far more fantastic that homosexuals announcing that they are leaving their closets.”

“Yes, dear Tiff… you all know that it was that chicken… chicken-hearted [former vice-president] Mike [Pence]… he chickened out and accepted defeat… he’s lucky that real Americans didn’t string him up… No way, this Mike Pounce will be on my 2024 ticket…”

Eric quickly offers, “Dad, I nominate Pastor Paula…”

“Eric, I am more inclined toward our Kimberly [Guilfoyle]… she was senior adviser for our presidential campaign… the one that I never lost… Lara, you remember that you told our Save America March [Jan. 6, 2021], ‘Our family didn’t get in this fight for just four years. We are in this fight to the bitter end.’ I want you in Senate… And how can I forget, Kimberly torching our enemies, saying that I… Donald J. Trump… am the most transformative president in our country’s history.

“What did Mary do her degree in? I wonder, may be strutting habits of turkeys headed for dinner tables… fascists were for Italy, and Nazis were for Germany… aren’t we Germans… Nazi was the 20th century thing, and now in the 21st, you got to go for the word ‘new’, so we are neo-Nazis!

“Understand, I am the real GOAT… the Greatest of All Trumps!”