Purse, Strings and Morality

On December 10, 2021, the Washington, D.C. city council unanimously passed a bill to name part of the street outside the Saudi Arabian embassy (600 block of New Hampshire Avenue) as "Jamal Khashoggi Way."

The Washington Post columnist who reported on corruption and abuse in Saudi Arabia, was killed on Oct. 2, 2018, in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, Turkey. The CIA and the UN concluded that Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, and his government, orchestrated Khashoggi’s murder. Raed Jarrar, advocacy director at DAWN (Democracy in the Arab World Now), which was founded by Khashoggi, a Saudi-born journalist and American citizen, highlighted, "A street name designation may seem like a trivial matter to some folks, but I believe that you all understand how this specific designation will have a profound impact at a local, national, and international level."

Of course, Princess Reema bint Bandar bin Sultan, is not only a member of House of Saud, but also the Saudi ambassador to the U.S. and the first female envoy in that country's history, is naturally concerned.

Her father, Bandar bin Sultan, once considered second in line to the throne, had served in this post from 1983 to 2005.

She has inherited her father’s Rolodex and was quick to call consultants, advisors, and lobbyists about getting around this intended shaming on part of some of her country’s critics. In her message to invitees, she pointed out that the Washington, D.C. Council was trying to force an alien way on them, which is that they are renaming the street as a statement of support for freedom of the press, which they allege is because of the location, a condemnation of the Saudi government’s actions.

Sinkluv & Flawpinn Town Planners and Advisory have proposed an alternative that would ensure that neither the diplomats, nor visitors to the embassy will set sight on the offending street sign. The section to be renamed runs between Virginia Avenue northwest and F Street northwest. They have suggested that the embassy buy the Woodies Building, once the flagship Woodward & Lathrop store from the late 1800's until its closing in the 1990's, located on 1025 F Street. With the acquisition of this famous landmark, the embassy can repurpose the two-story metal and glass roof addition into a helipad. The plan calls for boarding up the embassy’s main entrance and visitors will be asked to go Woodies from where the $7 million apiece Augusta Westland AW109 Grand Versace VIP helicopters will ferry them to the embassy’s backyard which will be repurposed into the main entrance.

Fulan alWahshi, a policy consultant to embassies of Gulf countries, offers a more aggressive approach, which was that Princess Reema should insist that a puny little body like a city council had no right to question a kingdom, and that too, oil rich.

Slymestone Advisors, a lobbying firm, in their proposal, pointed out that the name change is not a done deal because the city council’s bill will need the mayor’s approval and from there it undergoes congressional review before it becomes law to formally recognize the change.

Considering the embassy is a platinum-level client, the firm’s principal D. K. “Dick” Slymstone has come to present their proposal, “Your Excellency… er… Your Royal Highness, I am confident that we can defeat this proposal.

“We have done our research. The Washington, D.C. Code mandates that no public space be named after anyone who is still alive or who has been dead less than two years. The Americans and some of their allies claim that Khashoggi died in October 2018. The option we can pursue is raise an objection that they prove that Khashoggi is dead. Our attorney could question that the council provide proofs of his death like a death certificate and a grave marker…”

The princess interjects, “Of course, there is no trace. Is he a real!”

“Your Royal Highness, we are proposing a multi-pronged strategy. My research team is compiling lists of senators and representatives on the pay of weapons makers. We can put them on notice that any naming business will mean no arms business for their paymasters…”

The princess raises a victory sign, and offers, “Wow… that’s gonna flatten them to their senses.”

“Your Royal Highness, corporate interests demand that Congress look aside as undesirables that seek things like freedom of expression. It is lesson 101. When you have the purse and the strings, morality loses its wings.”