Dreams of Palaces

The February 5 lunch hosted by Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz president Shehbaz Sharif and vice-president Maryam Nawaz for Pakistan Peoples Party inheritor-chairmen Asif Ali Zardari, a former Pakistan president, and Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari, was widely thumped by the section of the media, which has been predicting the fall of Imran Khan’s government since August 2018 – when he took office.

The profuse hopes aired by Asma Shirazi (Aaj News), Saleem Safi (Geo News), Talat Hussain (Neo TV), and Najam Sethi (24 News) stirred Maryam and Bilawal with a crescendo of grandiose-filled dreams.

Maryam Nawaz hallucinated that she was being interviewed by Fox News entertainment reporter Courtney Friel. Bilawal replenished on his emperor size bed in his $5 million Bilawal House Lahore – lovingly gifted to him by real estate tycoon Malik Riaz – dreamt being interviewed by Fox News gun-toting political commentator Laura Ingraham of “The Ingraham Angle.”

Friel opens up with Maryam [a dream, of course], ‘Welcome to Fox TV, Mary… I am… am I right? I know you are a smart woman, the way you grabbed those $70 million from Michelle Obama. Did you feel okay in her company? Like President Trump had to get the White House disinfected when the Obamas finally left public housing after eight years.’

[Thank you, Ms. Friel, you are talking to the next prime minister of Pakistan. Indeed, both Melania and Ivanka are such pretty ladies. In my first term… starting in a few days… ah, I’ll have to wait for a couple of years to meet them in the White House 2024, when the President returns. I look forward to a check for $140 million from First Lady Melania… she knows what those Louboutin and Hermes bags cost…
[Well, Ms. Friel enough of the fake Chinese stuff… we will have an American airbase… I mean a few American airbases… I’d be looking forward to watching those jets take off for targets from Pakistan…]
‘Mary… I am… how do you plan to govern the country?’

[Ms. Friel… you know we have a beautiful five-story-prime minister house. When my father was prime minister, we had 525 servants… You know it has more than one hundred rooms. I have a son and two daughters… and grandchildren… We'll have 700 servants and like 100 bulletproof cars. My father made Pakistan a nuclear country… The prime minister deserves topmost security. Could you recommend an interior designer? Imran Khan neglected the house and lived in a small house on the 140-acre compound… The house needs to be redone. You know with all the American bases and American generals visiting the prime minister…]
The interview pauses as a commercial comes up for Dulcolax Soft Chews Saline Laxative Mixed Berry, Gentle Constipation Relief.

As the commercial fades with the note that tablets are sold at Walgreens and CVS, the screen opens to Bilawal being interviewed on “The Ingraham Angle” [a dream though].

Bilawal is a quick start [Laura, you are in the presence of the next prime minister of Pakistan. You know my mother, the Venerable Martyr… the first woman prime minister of a Muslim country… and my father, President Zardari have great love for America…]

‘Mr. Booto Zar-diary… are you concerned about voter fraud… like those Democrats stole President Trump’s victory…’

[Laura, you have it… in Pakistan… we call the military, quote unquote, the establishment. I was the legitimate prime minister because I have authentic genes… not only my mother but also my grandfather… not my dad’s dad but my mom’s dad were prime ministers.

[Present George Bush… I mean, the Senior, loved my parents. He assigned [secretary of state] Condi Rice to press the usurper, Gen. Musharraf, to give my parents a clean slate, wiping off all their corruption charges… including those against more than 8000 of our party members. This being in the best interests of the United States. My mom sacrificed her life for power, but not in vain. My dad became president, and, in a few days, I will be prime minister.]

‘Mr. Booto Zar-diary, you agree that America, the greatest country in the world where guns are our constitutional right… The American feel the fact is like if you have less than five guns, you’re different to the rest of the people. Like does your constitution have the same… and America makes beautiful guns…’

[Laura, you know, as a kid who has never worked a nanosecond in life, I simply do what my dad orders. What guns! On November 12, 2008, my dad, president Zardari, told then‐CIA Director Gen. Michael Hayden in New York, ‘Collateral damage worries you Americans. It does not worry me.’ I am the best thing happening to America.

[I will be moving into a beautiful five-story prime minister’s house… but sorry America, I will assign my British love, David James to re-do its hundred plus room…]
The interview pauses as a commercial comes up for No Mo Nausea Natural Morning Sickness Pregnancy Relief Band.

Dreams do end when you wish the Prime Minister Palace is yours.