America Faces Horrendous Disaster

President Joe Biden’s pile of daily briefing was topped by a screaming highlighted headline: Candy Makers Say Expect Shortages This Valentine’s Day.

Upon seeing this, he was reminded of President George H. W. Bush’s declaration at the 1992 Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro that "The American way of life is not negotiable."

With this in mind, the president summoned a meeting of The White House National Security Council (NSC) -- the principal forum for the president for consideration of national security, military, and foreign policy matters. Present at the meeting were Vice President Kamala Harris, Secretary of State Antony Blinken, Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen, Secretary of Defense Lloyd James Austin, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas, and Secretary of Health and Human Resources Xavier Becerra.

Considering the gravity of the situation, also invited was J.R. “Josh” Garglestein, president of the Higher Institute of American Lifestyle Studies.

The President started, “Thankfully Christmas is behind us. You have heard all the name calling we got, like grinch and all. Now on February 3, just 11 days before Valentine’s Day, we have candy makers warning of shortages. First, I was engrossed with getting the Build Better America rolling but (Senators) Manchin (D-W.Va.) and Sinema (D-Ariz.) put it all to rest. Then like with Afghanistan over, NDIA (National Defense Industrial Association) has been wailing that more than a few of their senior executives are facing defaults on the yacht payments. No war means no business for them. I am juicing up the Ukraine thing. Shouldn’t this dry some tears at NDIA?”

Harris quickly adds, “We just put this up that Russia is planning a false flag operation against Ukraine.”

“Kamala, thanks for reminding. This should get some NDIA hearts throbbing. Janet, has this thing gotten defense stocks up?

“OK… right now we are faced with the dire possibility of turning into Valentine’s Scrooges… and we have just 10 days to play.”

Harris continues, “Joe… Mr. President, not just that, Easter is April 17. Supply chain shortages are becoming an issue nationwide… our intelligence sources tell that there might be a shortage of egg cartons. Imagine Easter eggs and no cartons!”

Mayorkas, mumbles, “Kamala lets focus on the chocolate hearts right now. The National Health Service has warmed that shortage of these hearts may trigger takotsubo cardiomyopathy… TCM for short…”

Biden hurries, “Oh TCM … Kamala, didn’t Naftali [Bennet Israeli prime minister) call this morning for few dozen ICBMs? I should have asked him to spare some chocolate.”

Blinken offers, “Mr. President, it is time that you invoke the War Powers Act. You may need to initiate or escalate military actions abroad.”

At this point, everyone opens Gargelstein’s brief as he starts to speak, “Mr. President and NSA members. The situation is much more dire than one can imagine. Mr. President you must have been told that Reuters poll said that your disapproval rate today was 56%. The Vice President has a slightly better score at 50%. Sure, everyone here is aware of the polls due Tuesday, November 8, 2022 – the midterms. You cannot get your score down. Period. You can’t have millions of TCM sufferers lining up at polling stations.

“Our recommendation is that you invoke your powers under the Strategic National Stockpile (SNS) facility. You have your SNS team working every day to prepare and respond to emergencies, support state and local preparedness activities, and ensure availability of critical medical assets to protect the health of Americans. Considering that TCM can be triggered by an intense emotional or physical stress. The symptoms can look like a heart attack. Millions of Americans would be needing cardiology care. There may also a possibility of rushing to bring these specialists from wherever we can find them.

“Our recommendation is that you sanction these four West African countries Ivory Coast, Ghana, Nigeria and Cameroon from selling cocoa to anyone except the United States. That is about 70% of the world's cocoa beans come from.”

Llyod James, thumbs up, endorses Gargelstein and adds, “Mr. President, I tell you that Putin is no rush on Ukraine. Yes, you have approved the deployment of 3000 troops to Poland, Germany and Romania. But the situation demands that we deploy them in Ivory Coast, Ghana, Nigeria and Cameroon to ensure that not even a stray bean escapes coming to America!”

Gargelsetin offers, amid cheering, “Mr. President you have to act now when America faces a horrendous disaster. There can be no Valentine’s without chocolate and no Easter without chocolate Easter Bunny.”

Biden presses his buzzer to get his secretary, and declares, “I am signing all of these orders right now?”