Corruption is Our Privilege

Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) chairman Asif Zardari is seated on his gold chair at his Bilawal House, Clifton, Karachi, mansion, fronting his meekly crew sitting on floor: Sindh chief minister Murad Ali Shah, and provincial information minister Saeed Ghani, information minister Nasir Hussain Shah, Karachi administrator and adviser to chief minister on law and environment Murtaza Wahab Siddiqui, and advocate general Salman Talibuddin. Also, arrayed on the floor is Sen. Sherry Rehman.

Zardari keeps adding cigarette butts to the three ashtrays arranged before him.

The floor occupants quickly arise as Bilawal passes through to his videogames room.

Zardari, pointing toward Saeed Ghani, starts his conversation, “Saeed you did a good job demanding that Supreme Court should let our provincial government regularize buildings, which they allege were made in violation of rules and regulations… right! This regularization will net us net scores of millions. It will positively affect the lives of the regulators. My mind freezes when I think of how many billions I have missed since last August.

“Murtaza, you know why I have given you this post. Of course, first you have no idea about municipal issues and will always do things as directed. Second, your appointment reaffirms our strong commitment to sexually transmitted democracy. You are in the job because your late mother, Fauzia, was our party information secretary, and had also served as senator (2017-18).

“Yes, we are well-positioned for this regularization business. We have the 18th Amendment that minimizes the federation’s role in provincial matters. By the way, you remember who did that? Yours most wise!
“You recall that Gen. Pervez Musharraf had made some local government laws that spelled doom to our take home percentages. We undid those with our Sindh Local Government Amendment Bill 2013, and when I found some powers missing, now we took care of them with our Sindh Local Government Amendment Bill 2021. When we return to power in the center, I will get Article 140-A shunted out of the Constitution because it mandates devolution of power to the grassroots level. Who in his right senses will let the people take decision-making powers? What are leaders for!

“Aha… I was talking about the regularization of buildings… I mean what is wrong with this chief justice, Gulzar… is he double-faced or confused? With us, he is undoing our good work of letting people build on government land but in Lahore, he speaks at a conference where Nawaz Sharif – the man his court convicted – is chief guest. Whatever, we need to save people who have put useless things like amenities plots to good use, like commercial buildings.

“Sherry, you have good handle on the media…”

Sherry Rehman quicky mentions, “You know, you are a horse lover. The age-old saying is money will make the mare to go. We don’t have federal purse strings. But I will be working more closely with the crop raised by Nawaz Sharif… gems like Asma Shirazi, Talat Husain, Saleem Safi… you can depend on them. They are working on IOUs… once we get the purse-strings, they’ll need to be paid.”

“Sherry, you know, as long as it is not my money, I am ready to invest it for my benefit. Yes, assure them, they will be duly compensated.

“In fact, I want people to be made totally aware that I am doing them a favor by living in Karachi instead of my royal villa in France, or my luxury condos in New York, or my mansion in Dubai.

“Sherry, you need to borrow a page out Nawaz Sharif’s party book. See how their media voices convinced the courts that Nawaz was on his deathbed, and he is now enjoying London life.

“I mean things like parks and schools are dead real estate. See now many of these lots are beautiful business and residential plazas. They are making money and we got our shares.

“As true heirs of our Sainted Leaders, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and Benazir, we should have the right to all government real estate. By the way, we need to keep this Bilawal House expanding. I built Bakhtawar a house in our compound… one each will go up for Bilawal and Aseefa... and in time their children.

“In 2017, when I ordered, our dear Uzair Baloch, got more than 30 houses and apartments near Bilawal House passed under our ownership. He has already been acquitted in 17 cases.

“Murtaza, you are barrister too. Why can’t we file a petition and get Justice Gulzar’s demolition order thrown out? Murtaza, you know these people paid us for these buildings. How about seeking relief that corruption is our unmitigated privilege?”