Satire
Price is Worth It!
Wedded to the Madeleine Albright principle, the United States thinks the Afghanistan situation is ideal for them, where about 14 million children are expected to suffer acute levels of malnutrition this winter.

Mark Levin, who reaches an estimated 11 million listeners a week with his The Mark Levin Show, a conservative talk radio, has invited Dick Rayounberg, president of Southwest Asia Democracy Foundation, a Washington think tank, to discuss the issue that Afghanistan is facing famine.
“Dick, how you these alarmist cries from liberals about Afghan people facing famine?”
“Mark, have we ever compromised on our principles that these colors don’t run? President Biden has numbers on his side. No Republican would like to give a penny to these Taliban. Did they win the country democratically? The guys can’t speak a word of English, and they expecting we give them billions of dollars. Never. It is irresponsible and unfeasible. We’ve been there 20 years, and we know what is best for them.
“We can blame Joe Biden for anything, but he is handling the Afghanistan situation admirably. The Taliban must pay for winning this war. The price is the crushing economic pressure on Afghanistan.
“The United States believes in the ability to trust. For very good reason, the people of Afghanistan cannot and do not trust the Taliban. Didn’t they steal Afghanistan from us, even before we could start mining their lithium?”
“Dick, you have spoken well. Lithium is the life of batteries. If we had that lithium, cars like Tesla could have become affordable even for people on the dole!”
“Mike, is repatriating their reserves is like providing a terrorist organization access to billions of dollars the solution? Right now, we are blessed that the world is acting wisely. The international financial restrictions are going to precipitate economic collapse…”
“Dick, you mean, in a bereft situation, we can get another guy like Ashraf Ghani as president?”
“Mike, yes! Of course, we can only work with guys like Ghani… like El-Sisi [of Egypt] … like MBS (Mohamed Bin Salman of Saudi Arabia) … like MbZ (Mohamed bin Zaid of UAE) … These guys know who to kowtow to. We didn’t spend three trillion for the Afghan people, we did for us, and we deserve full value. We don’t work with people who possess self-awareness.
“We will not make the Taliban legitimate! They are outlaws who took power by force! Starvation is their doing! Don't be confused!
“Afghanistan was already reeling from severe drought and decades of conflict, but the real issue is the Taliban's takeover. We can’t be moving money through a government which denies basic rights to women and girls and aims to enact Sharia. Don’t you know that Sharia is a foreign law? There are eleven states -- Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, Louisiana, Kansas, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, and Washington -- that prohibit the use of Sharia… um, foreign law… in their state courts. So, would we allow it in courts in Afghanistan?
“It was May 1996 that Madeleine Albright, who was then the U.S. ambassador to the UN, correctly voiced our policy when she told 60 Minutes correspondent Lesley Stahl, in reference to years of U.S.-led economic sanctions against Iraq that it is a very hard choice, but the price, we think, the price is worth it… a mere half a million children died as a result, that is more children than died in Hiroshima. The Afghanistan situation is much better for us, where about 14 million children are expected to suffer acute levels of malnutrition this winter. We should remain wedded to the Albright principle. Affordable batteries for American electric cars are far more sacrosanct than sorry lives in hellholes like Afghanistan!”
“Dick, what do you see in the coming days for Afghanistan?”
“Mark, I see our policy working. You know that country has harsh winters, which will soon restrict the remaining passage of goods being driven in from countries like Pakistan. You’ll see Taliban running begging to us for their money that we are holding, saying they can’t even spell the word Sharia!”
“Dick, what would you say we do with their $9 billion or what reserves with us? Money doesn’t like to stay idle.”
“Mark, you raised a very pertinent point. The ideal option is placing this cash in Israel bonds…”
“Dick, you mean that the Taliban will first need to recognize Israel…”
“Mark, of course. This is the minimum. The string to America’s heart lies in Israel. It was a strategic move to heavily dollarize Afghanistan’s economy. Our rules limit the ability of Afghanistan’s central bank to trade in dollars… restrictions on their central bank means that there isn’t enough cash or liquidity for people to access the hard currency they need to make basic purchases. This has hastened their descent toward economic collapse and Afghanistan is facing its worst hunger crisis since records began. They need to understand that it is either Sharia or food.
“Mark, I ask why should the world blink first when Taliban aren’t?” ![]()

Omer Bin Abdullah, a magazine editor in his other life, blogs at https://chaiwhy.wordpress.com


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