satire

Raising a Generation of Fear

By Omer Bin Abdullah | December 2021


To put it mildly, Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy’s mood since Aug. 16, 2021, has been of a state which can be likened to a woman who lost out the battle to pick the lawn suit of her desire. Compared to his, the feeling of pain being of the milder nature in the latter.

What is so hurtful about August 16? The casus belli for Dr. Hoodbhoy, the holder of a doctoral degree in nuclear physics from MIT, was prime minister Imran Khan’s announcement that day of giving Pakistan a single national curriculum.

The entire slate of television talk show presenters, who have been suffering from perks deprivation since Khan took oath of office, have invited the professor to discuss what, to him, are horrors of the prime minister’s foray into democratizing education.

It was in the throes of such hallucination that he started imagining being interviewed by one of the leading American conservative talk show hosts, Sean Hannity, on his Hannity on Fox News.
[Hannity: Professor Hoodbhoy, I have heard a lot about you, and the campaign that you are leading against Pakistani prime minister Imran Khan’s programme to alter the country’s education system. Indeed, with the Taliban holding power next doors, I can understand your concerns.]

“Thank you, Sean. You’ve nailed it. Not just me, but the entire world… err, universe, should be worried.

“Sean, you know that the prime minister we have is the Taliban Khan, whom we have feared for so long. He is simply part of the mosque and the military’s seizure of the country.

“You know the ages-old thing about wolf in sheep’s clothing. He calls his scheme… yes, scheme, as the title is conceived in America, the Single National Curriculum. And that’s what it is. He has pushed the gas on promulgating one system of education for all, in terms of curriculum, medium of instruction and a common platform of assessment, which he says, will enable all children to have a fair and equal opportunity to receive quality education.

“Sean, you get the drift?”

[Professor… sorry to digress here… is a hoodie your iconic wear that you got this hood-boy name?]

“Sean, actually thank you for asking. While it is too warm here to be wearing a hoodie, but I proudly don a mental hood that keeps any infliction of Islam away. The lie spread by some that Pakistan was created for Islam has poisoned the country’s psyche. Thankfully, I am not alone but more than a few are working to undo this misunderstanding. Encouragingly, American and European NGOs continue to empower crusaders like us… like dollars and Euros. If you look at it, the atmosphere is quite stifling. The country is legally dry.”

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