Missing Being Indian?

Arnab Goswami, host of The Republic, the hardline Indian TV outlet, keeps a keen eye on neighboring Pakistan. It was manna for him to note a tweet which dissed Mohamed Ali Jinnah for not being right in his predictions about India and thus sought Partition. The tweet offered that had the [1947] Partition not happened; India would probably not be what it has become today.

Goswami hit a double-header when he found a supportive tweet for Nida Kirmani from Yaqoob Khan Bangash that in a united India, Muslims would have been more than twice their current numbers, majorities in two big provinces (bigger than UP), and further majorities in three more. Notwithstanding, Goswami wanted question him also on his unwanted observation that it in a united India, it would not have been easy for Hindutva to come into power.

Kirmani is associate professor of sociology at the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS), while Bangash is associate professor at Lahore’s Information Technology University.

Kirmani has an interesting life. Born to Pakistani and Indian parents, she enjoyed both countries travel documents, till 2017, when an Indian immigration officer cancelled her Indian document.

Goswami, who is at his Hindutva best, briefly introduces his guests, but true to his form, starts with his signature slant, “Professor Kirmani… may I call you Nida… I detest using those invaders’ names… Iranian… Arab… Afghan. And of course, I need to ask Professor Bangash, what sort of professor you may be when you say that it in a united India, it would not have been easy for Hindutva to come into power. No Sir! You seem to be misled by Congress [party] lies. In a united India, Hindutva would have taken its rightful place right after Godse did his national duty [of murdering Gandhi].

“But it gives me great joy that in Pakistan you have people who reject Jinnah’s misconstrued scheme. What would you say Nida?”

“Parnab, yes. I am not the Lone Ranger. In Pakistan, everyone who identifies as secular, liberal, or feminist misses being an Indian that I was till 2017. They pine over the lost Bollywood opportunities. I really miss my time in India, being citizen of two countries…”

Goswami interferes, “Thank you, Nida. So, there is a strong movement in Pakistan toward embracing the Motherland! I would strongly suggest that our beloved Pradhan Mantri [Modi] focus on this segment… the loyal Indians.

“I must, and I should allay any doubts about the great Hindutva movement. Even before Gandhi and Nehru tattered Bharat, Hindutva wasn’t confined only to some real Hindus. We had inroads into Congress with members of varying commitment... they just hid their real feelings.

“Nida, I hope that you don’t think like Professor Bangash. If you do, I will suspect that there are some Congressite genes in your family tree.

“Professor Bangash, how do you count your supposed numbers? We know how to alter situations… see how with a just the stroke of a pen, the Muslim majority in Kashmir has been converted into minority in the state assembly after our beloved Pradhan Mantri’s latest reforms. From now on, the state chief minister will always be from Jammu instead of the Valley.

“And do you think the entire Muslim population of India would have gathered to form majority constituencies to get a robust presence in the Lok and Rajya Sabha? You remember the Unionist Party? Didn’t it emphasize dominion status and a united democratic federal constitution for India as a whole. Never Pakistan.”

“Parnab, I think, we had the numbers. According to last year’s count, which is 2021, the subcontinent’s total Muslim population was between 550 to 560 million…”

“Oh, Professor Bangash are you sure? Were these invaders so prolific procreators? Ram, Ram… we have more than 200 million inflicted upon us.”

“Arnab, add to this, the 200 million Pakistanis and the 154 million Bangladeshis, you get the total.”

“Ram, Ram… we are still working on getting rid of these 200 million since that Partition… Oh Gandhi, with all your obfuscation, you at least got those 350-million off our immediate agenda.

“Nida, does Bangash too really miss being Indian, like you.”

“Yes, Arnab, I speak of myself. I really miss being Indian. Oh, only if Pakistan was not in the way, instead of a mouthful ‘Quaid-e Azam Mohamed Ali Jinnah’, our nation’s father would have been a four-letter word – Bapu.”