Corruption-phobia has Ruined Pakistan

Pakistan opposition members’ shrieking calls for prime minister Imran Khan’s head over the Election Commission of Pakistan’s scrutiny committee report about foreign funds received by the ruling Pakistan Tehrik-i Insaf.

Naturally, this is juicy news for certain television anchors on the other side of the border. Lo and behold, not to miss such opportunity is Arnab Goswami, host of The Republic, the hardline Indian TV outlet, who keeps a keen eye trained on neighboring Pakistan.

A sharp eye on the Pakistani opposition, leads him to Marriyum Aurangzeb, a member of the National Assembly and Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz spokesperson, who served as information minister in Shahid Khaqan Abbasi cabinet and previously in the third Sharif ministry.

To offer his viewers a better background of his guest to provide depth to his story, Goswami starts, “Ms. Marriyum Aurangzeb, Indians value your valiant efforts at destabilizing Imran Khan. I understand that like most of your party colleagues and indeed of other parties like Pakistan Peoples Party, you too enjoy an inherited seat in the house.

“I know, in India too we have similar patterns. Nehru to Indira to Rajiv, and now cousins Rahul and Varun in Lok Sabha… but they won’t go farther.

“I’ve heard about your remarkable mother Tahira Aurangzeb, a Rawalpindi nurse, who as luck would have it, in the early 90s, was assigned care for Nawaz Sharif's mother. She liked her so much that she got her son, Nawaz, to duly reward her, first by promoting her from grade 8 grade to 17, and later with an assembly seat, which you inherited.

“Your mother was member for a decade, 2008 to 2018. A consummate politician, upon entering politics she divorced you father, a grade 10 employee, and married Raja Aurangzeb Abbasi, a party senior.

“I hear that Nawaz’s love for his mother knew no bounds, especially at taxpayers’ cost. In 2001, after Gen. Pervez Musharraf ousted him, your mother not only joined the general, but also used to appear on television, branding Sharif a traitor and a corrupt politician. However, in 2008, she rejoined Sharif, at his mother’s prodding, he forgave her and made her a senator. In 2013, when the law disqualified your mother, Nawaz being a traditionalist, duly seated you instead.

“I hear that Nawaz’s love for his mother, went beyond a seat, and helped your mother climb up the real estate ladder, from a rented house in 1990 to multibillion property portfolio.

“So, Marriyum, you, being the stuff servitude is made of, are best to talk about your party’s position. Why has Nawaz gone overseas? And why Imran seems to be upset about it.”

“Mr. Goswami, you may have seen Imran play in India. You know he is relentlessly greedy. I mean Pakistan has the 23rd largest prison population in the world, with like 81,000 prisoners… and he just keeps wailing over one escaped prisoner, Mr. Nawaz Sharif. Does one make a difference?”

“Marriyum, recently Imran said that his government is laying highways for 138% less cost than road projects completed during your government, while generating 125% more revenue despite inflation.”

“Arnab, I say Imran Khan stops sending fake tweets, when he used to say he will not build any roads. Only our Sublime Leader Nawaz Sharif is the true road builder.”

“Marriyum, you may have heard Imran claiming that they have freed Rs.5 billion worth of land from encroachments…”

“No, Arnab, the nation does not want to hear his puerile remarks and lies. It demands Imran’s resignation.”

“Indeed, Marriyum, exactly this is what India wants…”

“Of course. Modiji is dear friend of our Nawaz Sharif. Who likes Imran in India, you tell me? You can imagine the love for one who took 40 wickets against India in the 1982-83 series.

“I don’t know how much he studied at Oxford or was just playing cricket there. But it seems that his vocabulary has shrunk to one word, which is corruption. See India has a vast arsenal. Imagine if the right palms had not been oiled, would India have Barak missiles or Bofors guns? Or, for that matter Rafales or Scorpenes.

“Now, you tell me in this constant howling about corruption, who would even care to sell hairpins to Pakistan?

“Instead of going to IMF right away, Imran kept waiting for recoveries… you know Nawaz Sharif was clamped with £8 million fine, while his daughter Maryam Nawaz with a £2 million fine. This is not how you run your country’s budget!

“Arnab, you need to concede that Imran’s corruption-phobia has ruined Pakistan.”