Choppy Waters

The scene at Bilawal House, Clifton, Karachi, is tense. A frantic Sherry Rehman, an MNA and former ambassador, has summoned a few party parliamentarians, who include former foreign minister Hina Rabbani Khar, Shazia Marri, Dr. Nafisa Shah – daughter of the ever-faithful former Sindh chief minister Syed Qaim Ali Shah – and Naz Baloch, to help her ease the situation.

The meeting of Pakistan People’s Party’s (PPP) central executive committee (CEC), where hereditary-chairman Bilawal Bhutto Zardari had ordered holding an anti-government long march, unbelievably, was not a smooth sailing.

Sindh assembly members Riaz Hussain Shah Sheerazi, Ali Hassan, Jan Awais Bijar Khan Jokhio and MNA Shams-un Nisa, after being granted permission had submitted, “O Exalted Grandson of the Sublime Martyr and Omnipresent Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and son of Exalted Martyr Benazir Bhutto, we, your humble attendants from Thatta cannot spare any of our haris (bonded farm labor) for the long march as March is our sowing season.

Emboldened by their stand Badin MNAs Mir Ghulam Ali Talpur and Haji Rasool Bux Chandio, and Sindh assembly members Bashir Ahmed Halepoto, Mir Allah Bux Talpur, Syed Ali Bux Shah, Taj Muhammad Mallah and Muhammad Ismail Rahu has also pleaded likewise.

Much more baffling was that some CEC members even had the audacity of opposing it, citing dangers to the country’s already fragile democratic system.

Since then, the sulking chief, was on a cocktail of antidepressants, swallowing mouthful of Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft. He could be heard loudly murmuring to himself, ‘#%@& Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PMLN) they chickened out of supporting a no-confidence motion in the parliament… Nawaz is too bloated with lassi in London! And why would this conniving hag, Maryam care for me, she is focused on pushing for her son (Junaid)… I’ve been left with no other option except this long march… and this #%@& astrologer has declared that I can’t get married until I become prime minister… these waderas… damn waderas… they had nothing to do… I mean, nothing except vacation in exotic spots… till my grandfather… not my dad’s father… my mother’s, placed them in these assembly seats… and they are talking about sowing seasons… I’ve seen all those Korean workers toiling in Dubai… can’t they bloody well get a few from Korea and pour in their haris into my long march…”

Sherry Rehman presses a glass of Perrier with ginseng extract to his mouth, as Shazia Marri and Naz Baloch steady his head, “O Exalted Grandson of Sublime Martyr and Omnipresent Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and son of Exalted Martyr Benazir Bhutto, everything will be fine… Imran Khan is not like you, he is not a young stag… he is 69… your turn will come…”

Suddenly pepped up by ginseng, Bilawal reacts sharply, “what my turn… and what about then Bakhtawar, recalibrating her son, Mir Hakim Mahmood Choudhry as Bhutto-Choudhry and putting him as a true heir to what is my birthright!

“Auntie Sherry, you know Hyde Park Corner… when I was a student, I was strolling around with David James, I remember hearing a preacher that the Bible says that the secret of Samson’s strength was in his long hair… so, you all need to ensure that my locks never get snapped.

“Auntie Sherry when I am not playing on my Xbox Series X Special Edition Halo Console, I read up Google. You know, never trust these slouching waderas, whose only function is arranging mujra (dancers)… now they tell me they can’t spare their haris for me. Oh, so I was saying about Google. I read that a three-minute hologram that Kanye West got made by Kaleida, a multimedia hologram company, for his then wife’s birthday cost $300,000. I will order (chief minster) Zulfiqar (Ali Shah) to transfer this from his health budget. The people of interior Sindh don’t need health, they have Bhutto!

“Imagine, how it will silence the Twitterati and Imran’s social media hounds and his party people when my grandpa… I mean my mother’s and not my dad’s father will stride onstage, place his hand on my shoulder and say, ‘Bloody fools, I am now reincarnated as Bilawal’.

“Truly, it is said that old musicians never die. They just become holograms.

“Auntie Sherry, don’t you think that when I am declared by grandpa… I mean my mother’s father’s reincarnation; Imran will face such choppy waters that he will rush here… to Bilawal House and handover Pakistan’s treasury key to me?”