Model Politicians

An ecstatic Maryam Nawaz Sharif, vice president of her father’s eponymous Pakistan Muslim-Nawaz (PML-N) is calling her father, party supreme leader and three times prime minister Nawaz Sharif that the ruling Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf suffered setback in the local government elections in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.

The former prime minister is however unimpressed, “My doll what are you talking about? I think you danced too much on (son) Junaid’s wedding that your head and brain are not coordinating properly. Do you know what local body elections mean? I tell you this is another trick [prime minister] Imran Khan is playing with us, the real leaders of this country. Now the power will be transferred to the elected representatives at the direct tehsil level. When I come back to rule, people will have become used to a strong local government.

“Well… well, even Maulana Fazlur Rehman’s Jamiat Ulama-i Islam (Fazl) has done well. But he always telling different stories that we should never work under the selected government. Maybe he has updated his fatwa... yes, now with computers, updating fatwa must be easy too. Due to this fatwa, he can now work under the same government which has been called fake and selected for the last three years.

“My doll, you have taken me to some other discussion, when I got your call, I was going to share the news that [Indian actor] Aishwarya Rai Bachchan has successfully joined the Panama Papers Stars group, when she was summoned to appear before the Enforcement Directorate in Panama Papers expose. The news is saying that several prominent personalities in India who had floated companies in tax havens will also be summoned. So, more members in my organization!

“You know the saying one man’s loss is the other man’s gain. Now this is good news. I will ask my friend [Indian steel magnate] Sajjan Jindal to reach out to her and invite her and others on my behalf to join my group. I am becoming more experienced in this field than anyone else. You know that offshore entity accounts in places like British Virgin Islands are blessing for those who care about money.

“Oh, yes… My doll could you find how many people went to this court with Aishwarya. I doubt like the number which go to courts with us!”

“Papa… Papa, you are super… great, but listen to my great joy… you are happy that Aishwarya has joined your club, but I got a huge compliment. This famous photographer Irfan Ahson said on Samaa TV…”

“Wait… wait, isn’t he, the same man who took Imran’s official photo on that awful day when he and not me became prime minister… This photographer was then talking about Naya Pakistan and what not…”

“Yes Papa. Indeed. This famous photographer told Samaa TV that cameras love me, and he also said, he is a photographer, but Maryam can be a model. He is so impressed with me that he said that if he gets the chance, he will take my picture and gift it to me.”

“My doll, this is very lovely. But you know your husband Safdar get easily worked up. You should send a big gift to this photographer and tell him he should also praise him as top man model… My doll, what is coming in your mind… I am thinking that this photographer declaring you as model is very good opportunity for us.

“Now listen to my scheme. You are good customer of Indian designer Abhinav Mishra, and he says that the icy blue lehenga choli you got made costs Rs. 400000. So, you ask him to make you his model and to support your application, you give him this photo person’s certificate. Now as model, you can quietly suggest to Abhinav that he should order overseas location shoots for you. And once you are overseas, you can join me and we will increase the level of our politics from here, in London.”

“Papa, this is a fantastic scheme. I am inspired by model Ayyan Ali… you know, how she used to carry cash like over $500,000… now she lives abroad. Modeling is good business. I am a certified model politician and also the trusted carrier of family cash overseas!”