Poultry and Milk Means Billions

The ongoing money laundering trial of Shehbaz Sharif, Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz president and opposition leader in the National Assembly, got attention from across the border when speaking outside the accountability court, his son and co-accused Hamza Shehbaz said due to Imran Khan led Pakistan Tehreek-I-Insaf government, “Today, the situation is so pathetic that people have nothing to eat. So much so that even medicines are out of their reach now.”

This is manna for arch Pakistan hater, Arnab Goswami whose Republic Bharat TV has funding links with India’s ruling Bharatiya Janata Party.

Sure, Goswami brings Shehbaz on his The Newshour Frankly Speaking with Arnab, and after a brief introduction starts the talk, “Mr. Sharif, I understand that the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) has charged you with the sugar scam and money laundering… you were in government for long time and your brother, Nawaz Sharif was prime minister for three times, so would you know if this FIA is also connected the infamous ISI (Inter-Services Intelligence), because they seem to be operating the same style?”

“Arnab, thank you for having me on your program. Well, you know, government was stolen from us more than three years ago, considering how incompetent Imran Khan is, may be the establishment has dug up an underground tunnel that connects these two agencies.

“Just imagine that FIA has arrested this poor man, Aurangzeb Butt, who I had appointed as Beautification Chairman of Gujrat, and allege that he transferred Rs 5 million in my account… in other words this beautification is like a gardening… so where did this gardener get this much.”

Goswami quickly adds, “Indeed, but really all this big story for Rs. 5 million… I mean Pakistani rupee, which has no value... How many ice cones can you buy for that kind of money. Sorry, I mean how much food as your son said people in Pakistan are living in hunger.”

“Arnab, are your children adult? Now, you know my children are adult, my fives wives notwithstanding, they are adult too. So, my son, Salman, who adores his uncle, Nawaz Sharif, has moved to London to be with him. Imagine, FIA thinks that Salman is a child and demands that I call him back so he could reply to their allegations.

“Perhaps, you can get the full picture of my popularity in Pakistan from your RAW… the intelligence level assessment. Whenever FIA summons me tens of thousands accompany me showering my car with rose petals and chanting slogans against Imran Khan.

“You are in business too, like you own this Republic TV, you know that bureaucrats have no business sense. They see that I am living comfortably, and they start accusing me of money laundering. How! I have not visited London since May of this year. Imagine would any intelligent person launder money from Lahore to Chicho-ki-Malyaan!

“Arnab let me tell what you will be surprised to know about my source of income. I have a Sharif Poultry and Sharif Dairy. You know, producing eggs and milk. Do you take eggs and milk for breakfast? You will agree that a huge lot of people do. Now in Pakistan, eggs wholesale for between Rs. 208 and Rs. 220 per dozen. You can imagine how much I get from selling eggs.

“Next come my other source of income, milk. The price of milk is ₨.140 per liter. While eggs cannot be increased in numbers, but milk business is very profitable.

“You have studied both at Oxford and Cambridge, you know this much that milk contains about 88% of water and 12% of solid substances.

“I am a very conscientious businessman. Business is also public service. I am very much concerned about obesity in Pakistan... I am serving this area of concern through Sharif Dairy…Considering milk is fatty water with other kinds of minerals, adding water simply reduces the concentration of these solids.

“You know that due to the Indus Water Basin Treaty between India and Pakistan, our River Ravi doesn’t have much water, but nothing beats tube wells … fresh water from the heart of the earth. Such good water goes into reducing milk’s power to cause obesity… and of course adding to my profits!

“So, when you are dealing with so much water, and water is central to laundry, money also gets its deserved laundering.

“Let me digress, as I said that eggs and milk are consumed by all, the other popular item is sugar. To spread sweetness, I use my sugar mills’ clerks, peons, cashiers, and managers’ bank accounts to rollover a few billion.

“If you visit me, I can show you there are no laundry machines in any of my businesses. You know because of the situation created by this Covid, health experts advise that we wash our hands and things carefully. Of course, money that changes hands so many times, too needs laundering and I do it diligently.”