Another Jewish Success Story

Since hearing that New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art will remove the Sackler family name from seven galleries, Izzy I.R. Gargglstein, chief coordinator of Whoosh County Zionist League, has hosted a countenance that dwells after dosing on too many chloroquine, the anti-malarial drug, in one go. It was in this state, ambling into the WC Bagels & Billiards, whom he would find but none other than Moe Vreckerberger, advisor to University College of Whoosh Israel on Campus Coalition. Moe’s too seemed carrying the same affliction.

The Sackler family owns Purdue Pharma, which put the painkiller OxyContin on the market in 1996 and some members are involved in misleading the public about the highly addictive drug’s dangers.

Izzy needn’t ask and joined Moe at his table, mumbling, “The thankless knights of New York… The Met…

“Yes, another blatant act of anti-Semitism and that too in New York… it’s an affront to the 1.5 million Jewish New Yorkers. I mean, this drug is sold by Purdue, so where is the Sackler name in it that the Met bashed them like dead rats being thrown out from traps.

“The Met thinks itself as the city’s crown jewel… where is democracy? Tel Aviv proper has a smaller population of Jews than New York City… And, what, the world’s largest Jewish city rejects a hallowed Jewish name! Not just any Jewish name but remember the Sackler Trust has donated nearly $80 million to the arts and sciences since 2010.”

“Moe, you are right. What a ghastly thing and then too after the Sacklers, what can be rightly called, a kosher-certification when federal judge Robert Drain gave full immunity from opioid lawsuits linked to Purdue Pharma and OxyContin – a global peace from any liability for the opioid epidemic.

“But it isn’t just New York. Two years ago, the Tate gallery group said that it would stop accepting donations from the family, while the Louvre said it would remove the Sackler name from the walls of one of its wings. Tufts University also announced that year that it would remove the name from its buildings and programs.

“Thanks, Yahweh, for Israel, Tel Aviv University will not disrespect giving Jews the respect, and won’t chisel out their names from its walls. The school has dozens of schools, research institutes, endowed chairs and programs named after them, including their remarkable Sackler School of Medicine, from which some 200 new physicians graduate every year.

“And in court, the Sacklers, who have earned more than $10 billion from opioid sales, said they did no wrongdoing… Oh bless my yarmulka… the Sacklers remain one of the wealthiest families in the world.”

“Izzy, the Sacklers used their brains. They like, aggressively marketed OxyContin beginning in 1996. In the years after, their prescriptions increased by millions… people loved it and took it aplenty … So, being mindful of public need, they helped doctors to prescribe more and more of it.

“It is another Jewish success story… the Sackler brothers were born to Jewish immigrants from Poland and Ukraine. The goyim are so jealous of us… we should start saying it loud that Sacklers are being rejected because of their religion.

“Why only the drugs the Sacklers made? Aren’t we merrily adding booster shot after booster shot for Covid vaccines?”

“You are right. You will soon see BioNTech, Pfizer, Johnson & Johnson and Moderna issuing loyalty cards. Some will offer toasters after so many booster shots, some gift cards for Hooters and some gift cards to buy more boosters!

“We should not let them chisel the big names off museum walls. Let us start a hash tag #NotKoshertoChiselOutSacklersfromWalls.”