The prime minister motioned and Doval started his report presentation with graphics being projected on the big screen, “It is a blessing of Lord Ganesha that we are blessed with the leadership of our great Pradhan Mantri. His close ties to India’s dear friend [former Israeli] prime minister Netanyahu facilitated us to acquire the highest versions of Pegasus and Cellebrite software to keep a close tab on Gilani… constantly reading from his heart pacemaker.”
Those gathered raised and clinked their goblets as Modi violently shook his fists shouting, “That man was the hugest… I would say ... lethal threat to the very foundations of our republic…”
Doval continued, “As you know that Gen. Joshi and Vijay Kumar clamped down a complete curfew… it goes to their credit that they ordered all the troops and police commandos to wear noise cancelling headpieces… the constant playing of his recorded words Hum Pakistani Hein, Pakistan Hamara Hai (We are Pakistanis [and] Pakistan is our [homeland]) was… and it never stops… was so unnerving… scary…”
A visibly agitated Amit Shah asked, “But how and who got that 8 foot Pakistani flag there? Vijay [Kumar] catch them and book them for treason… I want them hanging…”
Rajnath Singh angrily shouted, “Do you see how Pakistan is exploiting that scene of his flag covered body? Next, they will infiltrate the Taliban to fight against our valiant forces… Honourable Pradahan Mantri, you should not only alert [President] Biden but also [Vice President] Kamala [Harris] and our team there… we have twenty plus there… another of Lord Ganesha’s blessings… Neera [Tanden, director, Office of Management and Budget]… our people on the American National Security Council…Tarun [Chhabra, senior director, Technology and National Security, Sumona [Guha, senior director for South Asia, and Shanthi [Kalathil, coordinator for Democracy and Human Rights]… Shanthi is enough to block any human rights nonsense on Kashmir… Kashmiris are as much as human as Palestinians… and India is as much vital to America as Israel… in fact, more!”
Doval, raised a finger and requested to continue, “Shri Amit, yes that flag was catastrophic but let me continue what we did and are doing to completely make this Gilani vasnish and his… what Muslims call it…ruh… spirit… is it like a ghost thing?
“These terrorists were asking that he be buried according to his will… don’t these fools and the silly Pakistani puppeteers know that Gilani died in custody… as in life and in death, his body belonged to the Government of India, and we alone had the right to dispose it as we saw fit. I had especially requested the Pentagon for the composition of the concrete box they had used for sinking Osama Bin Ladin’s body… our great heroes, Gen. Joshi and Vijay Kumar got two tons of concrete made with India’s finest cement poured over him so these terrorist can never steal him and transfer him to Rathapura [Martyrs’ Graveyard in Srinagar] …”
Joshi raised his finger and added, “We have mined it 40 meters around, so if he emerges from down there, he will get nowhere…”
Modi rose up and instructed, “You know how people are reborn… like in an earlier life, I was Lord Hanuman’s right-hand monkey, so we should conduct daily DNA testing of all life in Kashmir to ensure that he has not returned in any form or shape.
“I salute our great sons, Gen. Joshi and Vijay Kumar and invest both of them with Param Vir Chakra and the Bharat Ratna.”
[Those present raised their gao mutra goblets] as Modi declared, “We have proved to the world that India provides foolproof security.”
Since the day the Kashmiri freedom icon, Syed Ali Gilani passed away, has the Special Protection Group, which provides proximate security to the prime minister, been reinforced? This refers to Lok Kalyan Marg, the Indian prime minister’s official residence and his principal workplace, Panchavati.
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