America will Live with War!

The mood at table nine, which is nearest the pool table in High Street Bar & Billiards, favored by P.H. “Buzz” Sukksberger, director of the Whoosh County American Patriots United, and S.K. “Juggs” Stinkston owner of Juggs Never Shrugs Body Shop, has suddenly turned sullen upon seeing the Fox TV ticker tape that defense secretary Lloyd Austin has offered condolences to surviving family members of those who were killed by the U.S. drone attack in Kabul on Aug. 29.

“Buzz what’s happening! Never hoped to live the day to see America apologizing… and now of all to those Afgans…”

“Juggs, you ain’t heard it all. Coming here, it was on Fox Radio News that [Central Command chief Gen. Mike] McKenzie offering his profound condolences. I mean what… seven kids… don’t these folks produce faster than rabbits!”

“Buzz, you are right. We weren’t raised when all these Amnesty… and whatever pansies were around… no one went around apologizing for casualties of war… this Amnesty thing says that America should give them full reparation… I bet if Trump’s win wasn’t stolen, America would’ve never bent so low…

“Buzz, haven’t we spent enough on the Afgans… two trillion plus much more! Next, they’ll be talking compensation for them. I would’ve told them what’s life insurance for… everyone needs to bear responsibility like us, Americans… if they didn’t know about insurance then why my tax money’s going to them…

“Juggs, I also heard on this Fox that [Secretary of State Antony] Blinken said that all the Afgan mess happened because Pakistan harbored them Taliban… yes, Nits Sparks told me that… you know Nits did two tours of that place… Afgans have no ports… so they use Pakistan’s ports… Taliban were parking their warships there…

“Juggs, it is scary where America is going… here Blinken is putting it right that Pakistan made us face the sorry situation in Afghanistan, and you have this Maryland senator [Chris Van Hollen] … yes, a Dem, of course, saying that Trump and not Pakistan is responsible …

“I wish, I never lived to hear all this… an American general saying that the killing was a mistake… America never errs… don’t all these Afgans look the same… like the Japanese or Chinese… so. Nits told me that Taliban uniform is like any other Afgan’s dress, so he was shooting anyone in sight… yes, that’s what he was sent there for. Nits tells me great stories… he says, here’s we are fighting a war against an enemy of America, and some crazy Afgans think that it is just fun and go out harvesting pine nuts… pine nuts really!... we got so many pine trees in America, but I never saw ‘em grow nuts… any ways, he says that some crazy guys were out doing some nut work… and not that long ago, it was the same month in ’19… and our drone is out to work and as he says Taliban uniform is like their civilian’s dress, so the drone plonked 30 of them… I mean Afgans, not pine nuts…

“What next for America… once you say that you are paying, you will have voices calling to look into our strikes in Syria, Iraq, and Somalia… Don’t you wish America became Israel… they keep slugging away these Palestines guys, gals, babies and what and never a word… ask them how they do it.

“Yes, this [Gen. Mark A.] Milley has been kowtowing to the Chinese and all but at least he said that through a variety of means, military officials know that at least one Islamic State member was killed. So here it is… what apologies… what compensation… collateral damage is a normal part of war… the ten or what are collateral, but America got its man, which is all what matters.

“This Rick Scottwales who teaches American civilization in Whoosh County Community College… oh, yes… he said that he teaches American civilization from Mayflower to Thump… he told me that we never apologized for putting the nooklear thing in Hiro… or whatever… some place in Japan because it saved American lives…

“Next you will hear Sleepy Joe Biden saying ‘America is sorry’… No Sir, I want the America I know, the America whose colors don’t run…”

He rises holding his beer tankard high and invites all to join in hi rendering…

Far away from the land of our birth
We fly a flag in some foreign earth
We sailed away like our fathers before
These colors don’t run from cold bloody war

A pumped-up Buzz says it out loud, “America can’t say sorry… America is never wrong … We started our country with war in 17 something… and we will live with war, never to say sorry.”