Blessings of Bhutto

Pakistan People Party co-chairman Asif Zardari has summoned Sindh chief minister Syed Murad Ali Shah and education and literacy minister Syed Sardar Ali Shah upon reading the news that Transparency International Pakistan (TIP) has complained about his government purchasing school furniture at highly inflated prices.

The Boss is furious that how the purchase price was leaked and who gave it to TIP.

Zardari, quickly piling up his third ashtray, is in full frown at the near-trembling provincial chief.

“Murad and Sardar, before anything else, tell me did this contractor agree at my standard 10% rate or more? TIP says we purchased the dual desks for schools at a 320% higher rate… this deserves more than the standard rate. so, Sardar, what did you transfer in my Bomer Finance account?

“Let me digress, for Societe Generale de Surveillance’s imports inspection contract, I and our blessed leader Benazir had instructed their Swiss representative, Schlegelmilch that deposits in our accounts will be ‘50% AAZ 50% BB’. Ah, now she is not anymore, so it is me, but I have told you and let me remind you that never put all your eggs in one basket, as the saying goes…

“So, Sardar what was your cut? And from that what went to my Bomer Finances and what to Citibank… and Murad, what about your deposits?

“Ah, in such moments, I miss Schlegelmilch… you know his wife and the Sublime Mother of our Nation [Nusrat Bhutto] were Iranian, and he treated us as family… when we made money, he made money.
“Oh, Murad, I got drifted to memories… first things first. Immediately get the bottom of things who leaked the numbers to TIP… as our Perpetual Leader (Bhutto) used to say, ‘fix them’ and I would add ‘well’…
“Murad and Sardar the pricing is done beautifully varying between Rs 23,985 to Rs. 29,500 per desk for something priced between Rs 5,700 to Rs 6,860 per desk.

“Murad, right after you get back to your office issue a press release that the federal government… rather Imran Khan is withholding our education funds when school furniture is so expensive… yes, also, highlight that because we, Sindh, are not adopting Imran Khan’s curriculum… what he calls it… SNC… I guess Single National Curriculum, so naturally Sindh school furniture is also Sindh exclusive… of course, we can never desecrate the 18th Amendment and go with the flow and use Imran Khan’s single national furniture…”

Murad Ali Shah seeks permission and is allowed to speak, “Our Great and Brave Leader, certainly our police’s Crime & Investigation Branch will trace the leak, especially using its Forensics Division…
“Sir, my lord, rest assured that you will never find TIP poking its nose in anything in Sindh. They have assured us that they will not participate as observer in the evaluation committee even if we re-tender, which they say is due to the non-transparent methods of our tendering process.”

“Murad, this good news, but for the consumption of those, especially this Imran Khan gang, who are jealous of our earnings, I order that you get [Sindh information minister] Saeed Ghani to work… he needs to explain why this furniture seems more costly to them… Sure, our friends in the media will support us. Saeed should tell the public that the graves of our Great Martyrs… our Beloved Leader Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and our inimitable BB are washed in rosewater… and the wood for this furniture that we have bought is first immersed in this sacred water. So indeed, it should be costing much more… and before students sit on it, canned air from Bhutto graves is sprayed on them...

“Murad, you need to drill into your empty skulls – at least – that such amounts are not markups but the blessings of Bhutto… the bigger the markup, the bigger the blessings.”