Satire

Contenders to the Throne

By Omer Bin Abdullah | December 2021


The poor showing of the ruling Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) government in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa (KP) local polls has breathed life into the otherwise dejected Opposition.

The most likely party to emerge as successor, Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) is seeing a flurry of activity.

Shahid Khaqan Abbasi, a former prime minister, said that being party president, Shehbaz Sharif and younger brother of former prime minister Nawaz Sharif, will be the party’s candidate for the office of chief executive.

However, all is not so peaceful.

Captain (ret.) Mohammad Safdar, husband of Maryam Nawaz Sharif, has staked his son, Junaid Safdar’s claim.

Muhammad Zubair, a former governor of Sindh, has opined that Maryam is ambitious, a crowd-puller, and is capable of winning the elections convincingly for the PML-N.

Maryam Nawaz who has boasted about her media management acumen, which has summoned Asma Shirazi of Aaj News TV to interview Maryam Nawaz. Asma Shirazi conducts a show 'Faisla Aap Ka' on Aaj News TV.

Maryam spokesperson Marriyum Aurangzeb has emailed her the questions she would be asking.

Shirazi arrives at the opulently appointed chamber at the Sharif family compound, Jati Umra.

As required, she extols the exquisite dressing that she did at the Pakistan leg of her son, Junaid’s wedding.

“Asma, good that you like my fashion sense. Didn’t I so outshine my daughter-in-law? What’s your size, I can also give you a few and hand-me-downs too, in fact, a few I had ordered just to try them out.”

“As your party’s vice president, how do you see the PTI debacle in KP?”

“Asma, we… err, I, did it. I will merely repeat what I’ve said earlier that look at my media management. Like Geo News and Dunya News have ruined Imran Khan. I am thankful to the Sublime Leader of Pakistan that he gave me the opportunity to master media management. In 2014, my father set up the Strategic Media Communication Cell as part of the information ministry and made me its head. I made it into a powerful unit, which allowed no voice of dissent to survive. You know how I brought them in line… like I ordered that no government ads at all will be given to Channel 24, Samaa, 92 News and ARY."

Shirazi follows with the next question given to her, “Your husband, Captain (ret.) Mohammad Safdar has said that your son, Junaid is from a family of politicians and will certainly become a politician.”

“Asma, thank you asking. By the way, did you notice my new Manolo Blahniks… my father sent a few pairs with Junaid…”

“Wow… they are a dream. The Sublime Leader, Nawaz Sharif really adores you.”

“Yes, Asma. Safdar, my love, is so true. He just gave you the truth that a lawyer's son becomes a lawyer, a doctor's son becomes a doctor and, need I tell you… a prime minister’s grandson becomes a prime minister. Ask Safdar, how as child, Junaid used to cling to his grandfather [Nawaz Sharif]. Mind you it wasn’t child’s play, but Junaid was learning, like buying votes, like offshore accounts, like currying favours from generals. And my father would lift him up and say, ‘future prime minister of Pakistan’ and Junaid would raise a victory sign.”

Shirazi quickly reads the next question, “What do you say about Asif Zardari's statement ‘We are being contacted to take over the country’?”

“Asma, you ask him. He has a million cases against him. So, why would anyone contact him when they know that his is only a rural Sindh party. There is one and only leader… Nawaz Sharif and his progeny.

“He should look at his own party… how Benazir, the daughter, followed her father, Bhutto, as prime minister and now Benazir’s son, Bilawal is following in his grandfather, Bhutto’s footsteps.

“I know even [former prime minister] Shahid Khaqan Abbasi said that our party has not yet made a final decision on who will be the prime ministerial candidate in the next election. He also asked that will I be acquitted of my cases till the next election. You know we are hereditary leaders. I have videos and recording of these judges. I will get it done.

“Let me say that about Shahid Khaqan. He needs to focus on his airline and leave the ruling to the rulers. If we can fly out Nawaz Sharif although he was a declared convict, we can create realities that matter to our ascending the throne. Let it be clear, I and after me, Junaid are real-time contenders to the Throne of Lahore.”