Satire

American Nuclear Monopoly

By Omer Bin Abdullah | October 2021


Former Trump security advisor John Bolton, following his interview with WABC 770, has been in great demand with conservative radio and television outlets, On WABC, he had warned, “The Taliban in control of Afghanistan threatens the possibility of terrorists taking control of Pakistan … that means maybe 150 nuclear weapons in the hands of terrorists.”

Despite the torrent of offers, Bolton has decided to give the first go to Sean Hannity’s Hannity, on Fox News.

“John how do you see the nuclear future of South Asia…”

“Sean, not just South Asia, I see the ominous nuclear clouds over Israel…”

“John… Israel…”

“Yes, Sean, yes… you know till 2010, we used to discuss and name it clearly, our Af-Pak policy. Our foreign policy experts and thinks tanks spent scores of millions to reach consensus to designate Afghanistan and Pakistan as a single theater of operations. I have always maintained that Pakistan is as much a part of the problem as it is part of the solution.

“In 2010, we had an asset in President Asif Ali Zardari, who gave us, his clearance to carry out drone attacks inside the Pakistan’s tribal areas. He was pristine that the resulting collateral damage doesn’t worry him. If you want it from the horse’s mouth, go ask [CIA director Gen. Michael] Hayden who had met with him in New York on November 12, 2008.”

“John, do you think that if Biden hadn’t stolen the election, you could’ve convinced Trump to stay indefinitely in Afghanistan?”

“Sean, why not? I could’ve asked Donald to create a more pronounced presence where American business could thrive alongside our war. Weren’t we keeping the Taliban tied fighting us?”
“John, you mean that the busied Taliban were focused on their war instead of thinking about walking into Pakistan to pick those 150 nuclear warheads.”

“Exactly Sean. Now, you got a son and a daughter…”

“Yes, Patrick, and Merri Kelly.”

“Now look at this Sean. You take them to the beach, and your puppy too. Here Merri Kelly is busy dressing up her puppy and her heart and soul is into it…. And so that leaves Patrick building his sandcastle and Merri Kelly has not a thought of demolishing it. I draw this analogy to explain that why we needed a forever war.

“Sean, you will recall that I kept pressing Donald to take a much harder line on Pakistan. And now more than ever, the Taliban takeover in Afghanistan presents an opportunity for us to confront Pakistan over its ties to the Taliban and nuclear stockpile. I would say the nuclear stuff… Pakistan seems not bothered by Taliban as, they think that now that they have won the war, they’ll go back to their madrassa to catch up on their missed lessons.

“Here, I will say it again that Pakistanis are just smug about it. You know that Biden did a chaotic withdrawal from Afghanistan on August 31, leaving behind $80 billion worth of military equipment that has already been seized by the Taliban, after they took over the country.

“Sean, let me digress a minute. I am not only worried about the 150 nuclear warheads but also 102 land-based missiles, six operational nuclear capable ballistic missiles. We left the Taliban all the Humvees that they are using to practice driving military vehicles. Imagine, the Taliban driving off these six operational nuclear capable ballistic missiles.

“Sean have you ever visited Pakistan? Do you ever seen our military equipment displayed in traffic roundabouts… in kids’ parks… and what? Those guys in Pakistan are so relaxed… they have fighter jets gracing traffic islands… and more. I am sure that some smart kid will be hanging these 150 or you said 160 nuclear devices like buntings. Now let me digress here.

“Once the Taliban have all these nuclear gizmos, they’ll start looking outwards… after Pakistan, there is Iran, next is Iraq and then Jordan and the Taliban be standing at the gates of Jerusalem.”
“Oh, John, you laid it out so well.”

“Sean, like we swept aside France in the Australia submarine deal, we got to convince the four UNSC permanent members that only, we, being the most upright, qualify to own nuclear weapons. Sean, it is time to stop delaying taking over Pakistan’s nuclear program

“The UNSC should know that it is time to convince themselves that the United States of America be given unfettered power to enforce the American nuclear monopoly.”