Another Operation Swift Retort

The standard tall glass of gao mutra stands untouched. The tenseness of the milieu can be apparent to any observer of ice cubes because the beverage’s cow-dung extract ice cubes are nearly wilted.

The prime minister of India, Narendra Modi is far too agitated to partake of his favorite beverage.

Instead of asking his senior secretary to call, he asked his office boy to summon Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) president Sourav Ganguly, minister of youth affairs and sports Anurag Thakur, and Research and Analysis Wing (R&AW) secretary Samant Kumar Goel, Intelligence Bureau (IB) director Arvind Kumar, and ambassador of India to UAE Pavan Kapoor.

They file in, but the prime minister does not signal that they could seat themselves.

His rising anger becomes unrobed as his sudden swipe sends the beverage flying, rendering generous sprinkling on the anxious faces of the gathered.

“I am not hearing excuses; I am asking full accountability! What happened this evening in Dubai is an affront to our nation as nuclear-armed world power.

“Here President Biden and the entire membership of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization is banking on us to serve as a bulwark against China, and what… Pakistan gives a drubbing that your grandchildren will talk about. At least, I am spared of this agony [having no children].

“I can see, Biden sending me emails, offering lame excuses that he can’t supply us his latest weaponry… I don’t blame him. Who upon earth can trust a country… yes, a team selected from 1.4 billion Indians… yes, sirs… a 10-wicket drubbing? Biden doesn’t know cricket but make no mistake [UK prime minister] Boris Johnson and even [Australian prime minister] Scott Morrison is sure to brief Biden. Yes, Australia, so freshly locked up in nuclear embrace with America.

Angrily pointing his index finger toward Goel, “The moment, I saw our inning closing with the score flashing at 151… I said, this is ISI (Pakistan’s intelligence agency). Goel where were you… what is the outcome of the payments you got sanctioned for [Israeli NSO Group] Pegasus… ₹37 million ($500,000) for installation… ₹48 million ($650,000) to spy on 10 iPhones, and another $650,000 for 10 Android users. Plus, you also got ₹59 million ($800,000) for 100 additional targets.

“I want answers! Who were you spying upon when ISI was all over in crafting this humiliation on us?”

Taking off his sandal and pointing at Anurag Thakur, “Now where was your ministry… who vetted Ganguly for BCCI president? Don’t you know… and Arvind [Kumar] where was your IB on this? This is the Ganguly, who as president of the Cricket Association of Bengal (CAB), forbade removing Imran Khan’s portrait from their clubhouse at the Eden Gardens.

“Sourav, are you ever bothered about your dharma (the eternal and inherent nature of reality). You can drink any amount from Ganga but it will not take care of your sins. You should be ashamed.

“Samant, isn’t it public record that Imran told him, ‘Sourav, you should fly higher. When you fly in the sky and see dark clouds, the only way to negotiate is to fly higher’… yes, you congratulated him on his election victory.

“I just told you that this Pakistan win against us is part of an international conspiracy. Did you note that Pakistan is led by Babar … Anyone recall a Muslim conqueror, called Babar? It was a well-planned ISI move to get a Babar shredding us… they rubbed in the humiliation… and my memory… not just Babar, he rapped us later, but first, Shaheen wrecked us… simple, ISI choose to remind us that Pakistan has brutal Shaheen ballistic missiles.

“And don’t get me started. Sourav where was your head coach [Ravi Shastri] who did not object when this Pakistani opener started praying… yes, doing his Islamic prayer on the field, when it was a water break. Doesn’t it come under the rules of conduct of the game… he violated the field of play and none…none of you moved the ICC to suspend him. India should have been more vocal… but, what… ISI was let steal the game from us. I am worried about India being rejected as a bulwark against China.

“No! This is not all. I am up to my ears… Here is Pepsi earning from us… and sponsoring Pakistani… our money funding Pakistan.”

Modi signals and his secretary gets health minister Mansukh Mandaviya on the phone, “Mansukh, first thing in morning, start a campaign about ill-effects of Pepsi. They should suffer.”

The server shimmers in with a new glass of gao mutra topped with cow-dung extract ice cubes, when Modi screams, “Heads will roll. Are you able to comprehend that today, Pakistan conducted another #OperationSwiftRetort against us?”