Worth Every Penny

Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor, also known as Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex – sixth in the line of succession to the British throne -- has sought a judicial review of British Home Office’s decision and allow him to personally pay for police protection for himself and his family while in Britain.

He wants to bring his son Archie and baby daughter Lillibet, and of course his wife, Meghan Markle, to visit from the U.S., but he and his family are unable to return to because it is too dangerous.

He wants to fund the security himself, rather than British taxpayers footing the bill. However, his American private protection team does not have adequate jurisdiction abroad or access to British intelligence information which is needed to keep him and his family safe.

This initiative has Britons aflutter. Royal watchers have not recovered from the seismic shock they suffered when he announced leaving the royal household and to strive to earn his own income. They were already nursing the hurt that the upcoming heir to the throne, William, married a working-class girl – though in real life, a millionaire couple’s daughter. The question that was is this the end of the world for Britain, has vexed them ever since, and no number of pints of ale is able to dim that pain.

Stanley H. Dimworth-Wastrelford, chief royal correspondent of the Nook-by-the-Cranny Gazetteer, is among the most weighed down royal watchers.

The news of Harry’s trials and tribulations have of course filtered through the American entertainment world to world watchers and think tanks.

The Institute of The Atlantic Expanse Studies in Washington, D.C., which focuses on Anglo-American relations is no exception to take notice. Who else could be better than Dimworth-Wastrelford to reach the deeper nuances of this development?

T.R. Krownguinea, Ph.D., deputy assistant senior vice president at the Institute, in charge of City of Westminster studies – the area where the Buckingham Palace is located – gets hold of Dimworth-Wastrelford at the most appropriate place in the heart of London, The Chequers Tavern where once stonemasons who prepared the stones for the building of Westminster Palace, would come for their drinks.

“Mr. Dimworth-Wastrelford, people and in fact, we the American royal watchers, don’t seem to fathom, why the U.K., insists that the Duke, only gets British protection services?”

“Dr. Krownguniea, in the American tradition, you can call me Stanley. Yes, Sir, it is a real concern…”

“But isn’t he like sixth in the line of succession. His great grandmother lived to 102; his grandmother is 95 and riding horseback; his father, the Crown Prince is 73 and strong… then you have William and his three children…”

“Dr. Krownguniea, you need to understand British concerns, especially after Andrew was binned... although he is still ninth in the line of succession. They are worried about Britain being ruled properly, especially after Her Majesty. And you know the prime ministerial material at hand… Boris [Johnson].

“Also, more pointedly. Considering the Windsors’ propensity for the odd fun, who knows that it finally comes down to Harry donning the crown … he needs proper protection.

“I’ve been doing my research… the overwhelming opinion at the The Albert, the rare surviving example of a Victorian pub on Victoria Street… a ten-minute walk from Buckingham Palace, is for Harry to have our security… The wagers are highly favoring that our government will not compromise over his security.

“The trouble lies in the English language, especially what passes as English in the colonies… I mean, your country. What our government is rightly apprehensive about is that the security that he wants to bring over will be the typical American style that we are so increasingly seeing on our television screens, trigger-happy armed with Iraq and Afghanistan war surplus weapons.

“Now consider this situation… as hypothetical as it maybe. First, of course, Americans don’t fathom the intricacies of our British traditions … half the time those security guards would be trying to understand what is being said…

“Imagine this scenario. Say if the Duke takes his son to that very ice-cream parlor where his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, used to take him as a toddler, there would be like a dozen hulking guards around them. And so it happens that one bloke who is queued up is greeted by another bloke who loudly says, “I’ve come today” … of course that would sound to Americans, “I have come to die.” What next! Wouldn’t it mean to them that they have a suicidal person attempting to harm their charge? Of course, they would pounce on that bloke, zip tie him, get all the stores in the area vacated, set off alarms and shut down half of England … next you will have armed American security guards shooting wildly.

“Imagine the loss of business… when we are a nation of shopkeepers. Not just I, but all of Britain says that the Duke’s security is worth every penny.”