Tycoons Matter

With the Cold War with China emerging as planned, President Joe Biden hosted an evening tea in the White House Rose Garden with Australian prime minister Scott Morrison, Japanese prime minister Yoshihide Suga and Indian prime minister Narendra Modi.

The discussion is centered on if the U.S. really needs to linger on with its NATO membership now that the Afghan theater is closed, and the formation of AUKUS, a new trilateral security alliance between the U.S., the UK and Australia.

As an ego-booster, Biden, Suga and Morrison have requested Modi – who rose from a tea server – to serve them the tea.

Suga, palming the cup in Japanese style, offers, “We are beyond the Euro-Atlantic area, but we are included as partners across the globe and pay for it without being considered as members. We are paying for Europe’s defense… and what defense, when the Soviet Union has melted to a softie, Russia.

“And now you are asking us to join the China war. But what about fighting South Korea! Look the way we have obliterated all the Japanese products… No Sony. No National, No JVC…”

An exasperated Biden offers, “But Yoshihide, we are keeping 50,000 troops based in Japan… we are spending billions on them. OK… Yoshihide, I heard you. Yes, when Modi starts his Stop China mission, we will only buy your Japanese pickups… but meanwhile, you must buy a few more F-35-Bs… yes, you have ordered 157 of them… there are a $78 million per piece… you can get more, like a dozen each for your 47 prefectures.”

Suga returns the volley, “Japan supported NATO’s operations in Afghanistan… But you only bought Humvees, not Toyota pickups… not even Sony, National and JVC TVs for entertainment centers in your Bagram base in Afghanistan…”

Biden, raises his hands, and adds immediately, “Yoshihide, yes we will talk about your Toyota pickups, right now we are considering that do we need to stay in NATO when we have launched the China Cold War…”
Modi is quick to add, “I say that the Cold War against China cannot be done properly if India is not included in AUKUS. It should become USIUKA… Of course, Joe… you first and after you India, the world’s largest democracy, followed by your poodle, UK, and for depth, the Down Under folks, Australia. Just as NATO tells America: you won’t have to fight alone; India can also tell you the same, but you must pay us properly.

“The Cold War’s collateral damage is NATO. Now with the creation of AUKUS you have declared your intent to wage a new cold war in Asia with China as its target. I would say that the target should include China’s ally too. I am so pleased that you have refused to engage with Pakistan…

“Why not do a test run and we start a Cold War with Pakistan… of course, you won’t leave your equipment lying around in Europe like you left $80 billion worth in Afghanistan. You can send it all to India… Since our founding in 1947, we have specialized in invading and occupying our neighbors… I can put the equipment to good use.”

Biden, accepting another cup of tea, continues, “Narendra, you are asking too much. I can be fine with giving you equipment from NATO stockpiles, but I have started this Cold War to benefit American corporations… the American worker needs jobs.

“The AUKUS is positive, it will push France closer together with its old ally Russia; such a development might be just what is needed for a stable and peaceful future for Europe.”

An enthused Modi, nearly letting his cup flying out of his hand, applauds, “Joe, I am a Gujrati, but you are proving a better businessman than a Gujrati. You got multi-billion deal from Scott, got fostering Europe off your shoulders, and in the bargain earned the love of Narindra Modi… once, with your help, I beat China and its ally… you know whom I mean… Pakistan, I will become Lord Narindra and people will be buying my statues… cheaply produced in China.

“Joe, we live to serve tycoons… I have my pets… [Reliance Industries chairman] Mukesh Ambani, and Gautam Adani… mine are Gujratis… are you pet tycoons from Delaware… may be you adopt my friendly tycoons… let us all raise our cups and declare, Tycoons matter, Cold War blesses… may our tycoons keep helping us in power.”