Seals of Good Governance

After due debate, UN Security Council’s permanent and non-permanent members settled on dining at the vegetarian Michelin destination Eleven Madison Park in the Flatiron district to discuss the finer points of their agreement to press the Taliban to be more inclusive. Although Ambassadors Grill is nearest to their workplace, however, the Indian envoy would not eat in a place that served beef.

Before they could summon their chauffeurs, another debate ensued, when the U.S. declared that Israel must be included in any discussion. However, Israel is neither a permanent, nor a non-permanent member. Soon, the U.S. permanent representative ambassador Linda Thomas-Greenfield found the solution. She negotiated with the Estonian ambassador Sven Jürgenson that Europe was already well represented so for the consideration of an all-expense paid Disneyland family fling, he could let the Israeli ambassador Danny Danon take his place.

Also, present, are Chinese Ambassador Zhang Ju and envoys of Ireland, Kenya, Mexico, Niger, and Norway.

With all seated, upon being presented the establishment’s beverages menu by the maître d’, the Indian ambassador T. S. Tirumurti asks, “I don’t see gao mutra here, and you call it locally sourced. Have you checked? At least the Bronx Zoo has a cow… ah, the corn-fed induced gao mutra! I can only imbibe my prime minister’s [Modi] beverage of choice. The maître d’ offers, “Your Excellency, our ingredients are imported from all over the world to create an amazing dining experience. Your beverage of choice will be here before the main course is served [and rushes a minion to the zoo, after all the place charges $1000 for dinner for two].

The British ambassador Barbara Woodward raises her champaign flute and addresses the diners, “Linda [Thomas-Greenfield], consistence to our policy of not causing any disequilibrium in our relations with the United States, Her Majesty’s government will remain dis…err… gruntled with whatever course is decided by President Biden.

“[Former prime minister] Blair’s initiative of being America’s poodle continues to bring dividends. We are gratified that President Biden instilled sense in those convicts [Australians] who had opted to shun their mother country when signing up for their submarines… only the Big Stick works with being convicts.”

“Linda, on way, you had mentioned LGBTQ representation…”

Thomas-Greenfield returns the gesture with her raised flute, and adds, “Thank you Barb... Vasily’s Arak did it… got a bit clouded… yes, not just LGBTQ representation, but also, they should do population-based women representation, and of course, place no barriers on abortion on the lines of Roe vs Wade – protecting pregnant women's liberty to choose to have an abortion.

French ambassador Nicolas de Rivière is quick to offer, “As my country’s envoy, I convey President Macron’s line-in-the sand that consistent with our laïcité (secularism), we will not accept any government in Afghanistan that has any Muslim member.”

Finally, Tirmurti’s beverage of choice is served, and he opens, “Friends, yes, we are not permanent members yet, but India has a history with Afghanistan. We had four consulates there for our work in Pakistan, which we closed after the Taliban took control on August 15.

“Even now we are offering trade opportunities to the country. You just saw the 3,000 kilograms of heroin worth $3 billion that were shipped to India in two containers from Afghanistan. In a country facing near starvation, that is some help.

[Raising his flute of gao mutra, he continues] “Friends, our prime minister has declared that we will not recognize any Taliban setup unless they include a Minister for Cow Protection and enforce this sacred act.”

Russian ambassador Vasily Nebenzya raises his flute of vodka in agreement, “T.R., yes, we value your offering trade opportunities… the $5 billion for our S-400 anti-aircraft missile systems. You can imagine, how happy [Russian conglomerate] Rostec CEO Sergey Chemezov is. We will abide with your prime minister’s wish.”

Not to lag, de Rivière offers, “Vasily, I join you in this endorsement. We are indebted to M. Modi for his $10 billion purchase of our 36 Rafale fighters. Unlike America, we don’t big wars to fight, and policing our former African colonies doesn’t busy our factories. So, Merci!”

Danon, lifting his flute of Limonana, the anise-based Arak, and informs, “I am conveying prime minister Bennet’s resolve and that of Jews around the world that the UNSC must only recognize Taliban government after it includes a Jewish cabinet minister. Wait a second, and only after they recognize Israel…

“Perchance, they can’t find a Jew there, we can send a properly vetted one or more.

“Friends, the permanent members should adopt an enforceable resolution that any Taliban cabinet should be UN approved. Aren’t we alone, are empowered to issue seals of good governance?”