Consolation Prize

Once again, emergency has been declared at Bilawal House, Clifton, Karachi.

Pakistan Peoples Party’s (PPP) inheritance-based co-chairman Asif Ali Zardari has summoned his sisters and a some of the female party leaders.

Seated on golden wingback chairs are daughter, Aseefa Bhutto-Zardari, and Zardari’s sisters, Feryal Talpur (wife of MNA Mir Munawar Ali Talpur) and Sindh health minister Dr. Azra Peechoho.

As hierarchy ordains, seated on floor are MNA Sherry Rehman, a former ambassador, Sindh minister for women development Shehla Raza, and MNA Dr. Nafisa Shah (daughter former Sindh chief minister Qaim Ali Shah), MPA Sharmila Farooqi – whose father freely shortchanged Pakistan Steel Mills, former federal foreign minister Hina Rubani Khar, Senate parliamentary affairs standing committee chair and leadership inheritor Sassui Palijo, and Alizeh Iqbal Haider, who inherited her senior position through her father Iqbal Haider, and serves as Bilawal Bhutto Zardari’s spokesperson.

Bilawal lays on ottoman besides his father, where Sindh information minister Saeed Ghani is gently massaging his feet, while Sindh chief minister Zulfiqar Ali Shah, also on floor, keeps alert to pour Perrier in a crystal goblet upon indication.

Zardari quickly puffs a couple of cigarettes and taunts the chief minister, “Where is your governance when some uncouth people were able to access the media and tell them that we used the police and local administration for holding Bilawal’s show?”

“Lord and Master, Saeed Ghani is here. He told me that his primary duty is to open water bottles for our Master Bilawal. He also said that he is practicing preparing milk bottles for Master Mir Hakim Mahmood Choudhry… I mean, Sir, Mir Hakim Mahmood Bhutto-Choudhry…

“O Lord and Master, I will fine Saeed by withholding his month’s kickback from the government ads we place in the media.”

Zardari softly signals and the floor occupants stand, courtesy Bilawal, and are allowed to resume their positions.

“So you know why I have called you here today? Did you hear what [prime minister] Imran said [on his Aap Ka Wazir-e-Azam, Aap Kay Saath program] … that, not only will he complete this term [as prime minister] but also his second and third too. If you know simple math, the next term starts 2023 and ends 2028, and after that ends 2033.

“Bilawal has been depressed since then. Eleven long years…”

Bilawal murmurs, “Dad, by that time, Bakhtawar will be having all our waderas curtseying her son…”

The ones seated on the floors softly hum a variation of the popular song, Desan da raja meray babul da pyara… Nee veer mera kursi charraya, kursi charraya…

Sherry, never failing her assignment, whispers the translation in Bilawal’s ear, ‘My lord of the worlds… my charming prince… has attained the [kingly] seat…’ [The note, the original lyrics talk about the groom saddled to ride to the weeding venue.]

Bilawal murmurs again, “Dad this despicable [federal communications minister] Murad Saeed keeps addressing me as farzand-e Zardari [son of Zardari] … kinda sounds like far is end… and pisr-e Zardari… like I am Dad’s piss!”

Saeed Ghani startles, “My Master, this Saeed’s not related me… never! It seems that he is trying to prove that he knows Farsi, otherwise the entire good media calls you Bhutto-Zardari, and in fact many just Bhutto. I would dare to venture that you may consider raising a point of privilege in the National Assembly that Murad should be forbidden from addressing you in such manner.”

Finding an opportunity, Sharmila Farooqi offers, “O Lord and Master, Imran Khan also said that we are trying our best to gather people, but citizens were now sensible and would not take to the streets on our call. [she lightly touches her earlobes] God forbid, sensible… the limit!”

Zardari continues, “Sharmila thanks for pointing it out Imran’s dastardly move to mislead our voters. I, in my capacity as the Makhduom of Bhutto Mahal [graves] invoke the curse of Sublime Martyr and Omnipresent Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and the Exalted Martyr Benazir Bhutto upon all who become sensible enough to vote against us. May they roast in the barren expanses of Thar Desert.”

Zulfiqar Ali Shah now gets an opening and submits, “O Lord and Master, considering the heartbreaking condition of our Master, I suggest that a replica of the prime minister office be built here… in Bilawal House to provide emotional succor to our most rightful ruler… the object of our reverences… it will serve like a consolation for our Master.”

Zardari raises his thumb in appreciation, as Bilawal murmurs, “But it should have the wiring for my Sony Bravia XR TV that goes with my PlayStation5 console.”

All present on the floor arise and chant, “O Master, our lives are dedicated to your happiness… may this consolation console you.”